Funny Stuff
Women’s and Men’s English
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Women’s and Men’s English
WOMEN’S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry 6. We need to talk = I need to complain 7. Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead 11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 13. You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive 15. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 16. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 17. I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV 18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like
MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let’s have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question 8. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you 9. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you 10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you 11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you 12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you 13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins. 14. Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I’d like to have sex with you. 15. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
Sad as it may be the scandals affecting our sport connected to the world of betting have added richly to the lexicon of jokes available over the years. And, as with many such cases when it comes to humor, the fact that they deal with a delicate subject makes them funnier.
Here’s one to get you in the mood; The Pakistani team have issued a statement expressing their shock at the alleged involvement of three Pakistani players in match-fixing. They’ve promised to clean up their act before the 2-1 series defeat to the West Indies next summer.
Or how about the Pakistani international cricketer who refused to take a bribe? And his name? Why it’s “Asif†of course!
OK, we’ll go easy on Pakistan now as all that scandal is well and truly behind them and it’s not as if betting on cricket can’t liven up the otherwise dullest of test matches now is it? You can bet on just about anything these days – and with Betfair cricket becomes more exciting – particularly for the real aficionados of the game who understand its subtleties. That’s because Betfair is an exchange so you can accept bets as well as make them – acting as the bookmaker as it were. In these cases, someone who really deeply understands the swings of fortune that can occur in a test match can back and lay with Betfair, gradually building their stake up regardless of the outcome if they’re shrewd enough.
And if bribery really is rife within cricket – then spare a thought for the poor England Twenty20 team Captain Stuart Broad who said after the team’s poor showing in Bangladesh; “I just don’t get it, it was an important game for us so I bribed the umpire, but we still lost!â€
“It’s awful isn’t it†said Pakistan’s Twenty20 captain Mohammad Hafeez, “it’s getting so bad that you just don’t know who you can trust these days!â€
And finally, while we’re on the subject of unpredictable matches; I’ve been teaching a few hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo’s not bad at catching, but he can’t really Frodo….groan!
You are here: Home / Funny Stuff / Clown Is in Town
Clown Is in Town
Clowns are comical performers, stereotypically characterized by their grotesque appearances: colored wigs, stylistic makeup, outlandish costumes, unusually large footwear, red-nose, etc., who entertain spectators by acting in a hilarious fashion. The types of their acts varies greatly. Although some find clowns to be scary, their intended purpose is to entertain people, especially young children. Peter Berger writes that “It seems plausible that folly and fools, like religion and magic, meet some deeply rooted needs in human society.” For this reason, clowning is often considered an important part of training as a physical performance discipline, partly because tricky subject matter can be dealt with, but also because it requires a high level of risk and play in the performer.
Clowning was developed from a broad tradition of historical performances, and it is difficult to point out a singular tradition or even a few different ones as being the primary precursors to clowns.[citation needed] However there are a few past prominent forms of entertainment contemporarily linked to clowning as its possible antecedents.
Examples of historical, “clown-like” comedic performers have been the pantomimus in ancient Greece, the Lazzi of Commedia dell’Arte, bouffons, court jesters, as well as the French mime tradition. On top of this there are many non-European clowning traditions (including clown-like figures in Japanese Kabuki theatre) to consider which may or may not have influenced what we now think of as a clown.
A whiteface character does not always wear the classic whiteface makeup. Additionally, a character can wear traditional whiteface makeup and be an auguste.
Classic appearance. Traditionally, the whiteface clown uses “clown white” makeup to cover his or her entire face and neck with none of the underlying flesh color showing. In the European whiteface makeup, the ears are painted red. Features, in red and black, are delicate. He or she is traditionally costumed far more extravagantly than the other two clown types, sometimes wearing the ruffled collar and pointed hat which typify the stereotypical “clown suit”.
You are here: Home / Funny Stuff / Different Between Rich and Poor
Different Between Rich and Poor
Rich man carries pretty woman with his awesome motorbike!
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Poor man carries pity goat with his awful bike!
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Transport or transportation is the movement of people and goods from one location to another. Modes of transport include air, rail, road, water, cable, pipeline, and space. The field can be divided into infrastructure, vehicles, and operations.
Transport infrastructure consists of the fixed installations necessary for transport, and may be roads, railways, airways, waterways, canals and pipelines, and terminals such as airports, railway stations, bus stations, warehouses, trucking terminals, refueling depots (including fueling docks and fuel stations), and seaports. Terminals may be used both for interchange of passengers and cargo and for maintenance.
Vehicles traveling on these networks may include automobiles, bicycles, buses, trains, trucks, people, helicopters, and aircraft. Operations deal with the way the vehicles are operated, and the procedures set for this purpose including financing, legalities and policies. In the transport industry, operations and ownership of infrastructure can be either public or private, depending on the country and mode.
Passenger transport may be public, where operators provide scheduled services, or private. Freight transport has become focused on containerization, although bulk transport is used for large volumes of durable items. Transport plays an important part in economic growth and globalization, but most types cause air pollution and use large amounts of land. While it is heavily subsidized by governments, good planning of transport is essential to make traffic flow, and restrain urban sprawl.
You are here: Home / Funny Stuff / Bring out the baby in you
Bring out the baby in you
These new set of t-shirts are a part of an ad campaign by Evian. These t-shirts have gained humongous success and have left an impact on people. The ads have been shot by renowned photographer Nathanial Goldberg. The significance of the campaign is to encourage people to bring out the child within themselves.
The t-shirts are designed to look like a baby version of yourself with the body of a baby drawn out from the neck down, giving it a laughable portrait of your grown up self as a baby. The t-shirts have been printed in a wide range to cover people of all skins. The ad has been shot using fair skinned and dark skinned people to promote harmony among all cultures and races. The ad really bring out the message to unleash the child within you and to take have fun like you used to in your childhood.
You are here: Home / Funny Stuff / The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
Rappers love their jewelry. Some rappers don’t even have their own homes but as long as the ice is right, it’s all gravy like Fat Joe’s dinner table. I’ve seen some cool rapper chains…but I’ve also seen a lot of terrible ones. More often than not rappers seem to buy chains for reaction rather than thinking “is this something I’ll actually wear a week from now?” Here are the 10 most ridiculous rapper chains.
10. YUNG BERG
Berg’s chain wasn’t the worst looking one around, but I just don’t understand why this guy has a Transformers symbol around his neck? Was he in the movie? I used to like to watch The Flintstones but I also have a grip on reality and don’t need an iced out Barney. If you love a certain cartoon tell people on Facebook…not your neck.
9. YUNG JOC
Yung Joc’s chain says “Hustlenomics.” It could also seriously injure a baby. The worst thing about this chain is just how big and terrible it looks…kinda just like a hunk of metal hanging off his neck. The person wearing it doesn’t help the situation either. The “H” is for horrible.
8. GUCCI MANE
Cowabullshit. Why would a grown ass man want this chain? Isn’t your chain supposed to impress women? Imagine screwin’ a chick with Bart Simpson hangin’ on her titties? Yeah sure Bart’s happy but you look like a tool.
7. GHOSTFACE KILLAH
Yes Ghostface used to wear a dinner plate around his neck…he also used to wear a gigantic eagle on his arm. And while the plate does look ridiculous, it also opened the door for everyone to rock chains. Hit your mom’s china cabinet, get some rope and your in business. Even little Ghostface rocked it:
6. VERBAL FROM THE TERIYAKI BOYZ
“Ya colors too bright.” Not too sure what to say about this one. It looks like someone shitted out coloured diamonds and this is what happened. It’s not that surprising since the guy is wearing 3-D glasses. I’d need to be in a drug induced coma to wear this.
5. RICK ROSS
Unless you ARE Jesus Christ, don’t do this. The worst part is that some people probably mistake it for Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince wearing sunglasses. The question remains: Are those sunglasses iced out Ricky is rockin’ real or fake?
4. BUSTA RHYMES
If you are gonna drop serious dollars on a chain, make sure it doesn’t look like it was a 2 for 1 special at the flea market. This shit is just ugly. The “Map Of New York City” portion on top looks like it would break off mad easy and the colours give New York City a sort of Fruity Pebbles vibe. I hope Busta kept the receipt.
3. T-PAIN
* NOTE – T-Pain started off as a rapper and still raps. He counts.
According to T-Pain on Twitter, this chain cost him $410,000. I’m pretty sure there are kids in Ethiopia right now playing darts with a picture of Teddy P. I get the joke. It’s a big ass chain and it says “Big Ass Chain.” Hilarious. You know what else is funny? How dumb it looks.
2. SEAN KINGSTON
There are so many things to dislike about Sean Kingston that it makes it challenging to just focus on the chain. That being said, I’m gonna do my best. First of all why? Does anyone look at this and go “yo Sean that is dope man.” He’s lucky those crayons don’t come out the box ’cause if he wore this around me I’d go straight colouring book status on his eyes.
1. SKOOL BOY
I don’t know who Skool Boy is but I do know he has the most ridiculous chain I’ve ever seen. Look, I love chicken wings but you don’t see me with an iced out 10 piece around my neck do you? I’d imagine even the person he bought this from looked at him like “n*gga is you crazy?” It has gotta be rough when your chain has more buzz than you.
You are here: Home / Funny Stuff / ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH?
ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH?
SIR, i have come to ask permission to marry lour lovely daughter… 
BY PHIL McANDREW