The top 10 essential places to have sex
Grab your love life by the collar and get out of the bedroom; there’s a whole world of cheap thrills and naughty sex out there. So ditch the duvet and work your way through these 10 essential places to have sex before you die.
1. In the Car
The bigger the vehicle the more scope there is for sexual adventure, but if you don’t drive a Bentley have no fear. You’d be surprised at how well you can get down in the most cramped spaces. Set the satellite navigation for the local lovers lane or secluded parking lot and start steaming up those windows.
2. In the Pool
The water rushes around your genitals making both of you feel different and more exciting. The buoyancy allows great thrusting with minimum effort, and orgasm is reached with ease as the water relaxes and soothes. You can take it slow or reenact one of the steamy scenes in Showgirls. Beware as water may kill the natural lube and make entry a little difficult, but ultimately worth the effort. Aim for a hotel pool after dark rather than the local rec center unless you want a criminal record for your efforts.
3. The Cinema
It’s what art films were made for, so go really late to a sexy film and choose a secluded spot. Knowing that no one can see you back there invites naughtiness. Thing is, can you cope with the shame of being caught in the beam of a torch wielded by an awkward, acne-ridden teenager suffering from a bad case of girlfriend envy?
4. Back of a Cab
Why wait until you get home? You managed to haul your drunken asses into a cab. Slip the driver a crisp note and tell him to take the scenic route as you make full use of the spacious back seat. So long as you can handle the cabbie getting his kicks as you get yours, fun for all parties ensues.
5. On a Train
Watch Risky Business for some foreplay inspiration then book two tickets on the A train to O. Find a secluded train, wait for the carriage to empty then get frisky to the swaying motion. Booking a night in a sleeper car is the less risky option for fulfilling this particular fantasy, but in essence you’re still doing it aboard.
6. In the Woods
Show your appreciation for the beautiful countryside around you and get your kicks al fresco. Bend your girlfriend over a stump for earthy pleasures and let your mating call resonate through the trees. Just watch out for stinging nettles, Army reservists and rambling church groups, all instant passion killers.
7. In a Nightclub
For those times when you’ve met a horny new lover and all that bumping and grinding has left you both a hot mess, the average nightclub has a number of options for near-public sex. The washrooms, provided you can both sneak into one of the booths, are prime spots for a tempting splash of oral sex before going home to really explore each other’s bodies. If you find a booth in a dark corner, a long skirt and an open fly can disguise all kinds of mischief.
8. On a Boat
Provided you’ve got your sea legs, the motion in the ocean is a chilled-out aphrodisiac. A small vessel is preferable to the cross-channel ferry (the bunks are too narrow). Slowly rocking into the sunset and diving off the side to cool off afterwards: pure bliss.
9. A Mile High
Defying the laws of physics to get two people in an airline lavatory truly marks you out as a sexual pro. Positioning is limited but rear entry is possible and promises a high chance of success. Virgin Atlantic has the most spacious toilets and even used to offer a bed for transatlantic sky-high action, but other airlines are not so sympathetic to passion. Make sure to give that proud smile as you walk back to your seat.
10. On the Beach
The crashing of waves, stars twinkling above and hot blood coursing through your veins — what a potion for romance. So drop down and get it on as you sink into the sand. Take a blanket for maximum comfort, and be prepared to be scratching sand out of every crevice for the next few nights.