Five Hot Dogs That Will Kill You
Sure, most hot dogs will kill you slowly with their high levels of fat, salt, cholesterol, sodium, and cancer-inducing nitrites. But if you want to expedite the process, take a bite of these deadly dogs.
1. Crif Dog’s Breakfast Hot Dog
Start the morning right with the Breakfast Hot Dog from Crif Dog’s in New York. Wrapped in bacon and deep-fried, this dog is accompanied with a fried egg and American cheese. All it’s missing is a layer of hash browns and sausage gravy. Hey, when you think about it that way, this breakfast dog is bush-league! Time to step it up, Crif’s. Read more about this hot dog here.
It may look modest compared to the rest of this list, but don’t let the lack of preposterous toppings fool you. The French Fry Hot Dog on a Stick will stick your arteries like Velcro. This South Korean specialty dog is covered in thick-cut french fries and deep fried. Top it with some melted cheese and you’re on your way to bypass boulevard. Read more about this hot dog here.
3. Jimmy Buff’s Double Hot Dog
You could meet your demise in New Jersey a couple ways. Mess with the wrong guy and you might end up taking a one-way trip to a nondescript swamp with a guy named “Frankie Four Fingers”. Or you could let another frank (furter) do the job. Meet your maker with Jimmy Buff’s Double Hot Dog. Jimmy cooks two dogs in hot oil, puts them in a pizza roll, and tops them with oil-soaked sauteed onions, peppers, and potatoes. Then he sends you on a one-way trip to that big hot dog stand in the sky. Read more about this hot dog here, here, and here.
4. Paula Deen’s Lard Dog
Serious Eats first uncovered Paula Deen’s insidious plot to kill us all in 2007 with a deliciously deadly mix of butter, liquid cheese, deep-fried meat, and southern charm. However, they missed a 2005 meal that makes all the others look like health food. The Grim Reaper looms largely over Paula Deen’s Lard Dog. Why bother with relish and mustard when you could top your hot dog with bacon, Velveeta, and lard? She may have mixed the lard with a few other ingredients in order to mask the flavor of death, but it really doesn’t matter when you’re six feet under. Read more about this hot dog here.
5. Mulligan’s Hamdog
How can you improve on the chili dog? Humans had pondered that question for decades. One day, the Devil went down to Decatur, Georgia and inspired a mouth-watering, chest-clutching, smile-on-your-face-as-you-drop-dead chili burger/chili dog combo know as The Hamdog. Take one hot dog, roll it in flattened burger meat, fry it, top it with cheese, chili, and a fried egg and kiss your keester goodbye