TheBizzare.com

 

Pyramid of Capitalist System

Max Cornelisse from Holland is a 24 year old science grad who pokes fun at how insecure some systems are.
Max Cornelisse takes control of a huge display at a train station in Utrecht from his cell phone

 No, but you are awesome.

 

Better hope you’re in jail for less than that.

 

 

Never mention Sex in the pen

 

 

 He must have been busy…your whole life.

 

 

Arrested Drunks go to jail.

 

 

Better hope you aren’t sharing a cell with one.

 

 

 Say that to the judge.

 

Except in this case.

 

Bambi: Kmart by day, Stripper by night

 

 About bunnies? No.

It has become clear that it’s up to the Cracked staff to re-educate America. See, we slept through high school, so we were lucky. We avoided the years and years of brainwashing that accompanies a standard education.

To those of you unfortunate enough to have been subjected to a lifetime in the public school system, we’ve got some bad news for you that you probably won’t find in your text books: Every brilliant inventor you’ve ever loved is a huge, thieving asshole.

#5. Galileo Galilee

Galileo Galilee or “Gal-Gal,” as he is more commonly known, was an Italian astronomer, physicist and mathematician. If you asked the average high schooler what Galileo’s lasting contribution to science was, they would most likely reply “the telescope” before going off to listen to their Rhianna records and play with their Digimon, (Is that what high schoolers do these days? We don’t even know anymore). Well, put down that Digital Monster, high schooler, because we are about to blow your mind: Gal-Gal did not invent the telescope. Also, Rhianna sucks.

Who Actually Invented It?

While everyone was probably looking up at the stars, no one was doing it quite as hard as Dutchman Hans Lippershey. In 1608, Lippershey completed the first ever telescope and attempted to receive a patent for it, but was denied for no discernible reason.

Lippershey’s telescope (internet re-creation)

A few countries over, when Galileo heard about Lippershey’s work, he quickly built his own telescope in 1609. A telescope, it should be noted, that could see just a little bit further than Lippershey’s.

Necessary? Not particularly. Emasculating? Oh, you betcha. While Galileo never registered a patent for his telescope, the fact remains that his name is synonymous with the telescope, while Lippershey was most likely absent from your old textbooks.

In a final shot to show just how fairly each scientist was rewarded, four moons surrounding Jupiter are named after Galileo, and do you know what carries Lippershey’s name? A crater. A fucking crater on Earth’s moon will forever be known as Lippershey’s Crater. The Moon’s Ass Crack.

#4. Alexander Fleming

Sir Alexander Fleming is the name people think of when penicillin is brought up. There’s even a charming little story that goes along with it. According to the legend, Fleming’s father saved a little boy from drowning in Scotland, and the father of this boy vowed to fund the young Fleming’s education to repay the kindness. Eventually, Fleming graduates med school and discovers the healing nature of penicillin which eventually saves Winston Churchill’s life when he is stricken with pneumonia. And who was the little boy that Fleming’s father saved in the first place? Winston motherfucking Churchill.

This would all be very cozy, if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s total horseshit on several counts. For one, Churchill wasn’t treated with penicillin and, for another, Fleming wasn’t the guy who discovered it. He was just some asshole.

Who Actually Discovered It?

Difficult to say. North African tribesmen have been using penicillin for thousands of years. Also, in 1897, Ernest Duchesne used the mold penicillum glaucoma to cure typhoid in guinea pigs which, OK, was about the stupidest waste of time in the history of science, but proof that he understood the possibilities of penicillin all the same.

Other scientists at the time didn’t take him serious, due to his age and strange preoccupation with guinea pigs, so he never received a patent for his work. He died about 10 years later from a disease that would have been completely treatable with penicillin and he was survived by his healthy, yet totally indifferent guinea pigs.

Even when Fleming did accidentally discover penicillin years later, he didn’t think it could actually be used to help anyone, so he stopped working on it and moved on. Meanwhile, a few other scientists, Howard Florey, Norman Heatley, Andrew Moyer and Ernst Chain started

working on penicillin and eventually mastered penicillin as well as figured out a way to mass produce it.

So even though Fleming wasn’t the first person to discover penicillin, and even though he didn’t actually believe penicillin was in any way useful, he will forever go down in history as a penicillin-inventing, Winston-Churchill-saving genius.

#3. Alexander Graham Bell

Ah, Bell. The man behind the telephone and a good guy all around. Bell spent a whole lot of time working with deaf people. His wife was deaf, his mother was deaf and he was even Helen Keller’s favorite teacher. With this time-consuming near-obsession with deaf people, it’s amazing that Bell found time to invent the telephone. Wait, not “amazing.” “Impossible.” That’s the one.

Who Actually Invented It?

In 1860, an Italian named Antonio Meucci first demonstrated his working telephone, (though he called it the “teletrofono,” mostly because Italians are wacky). Eleven years later, (still five years before Bell’s phone came out), he filed a temporary patent on his invention. In 1874, Meucci failed to send in the $10 necessary to renew his patent, because he was sick and poor and Italian.

Two years after that, Bell registered his telephone patent. Meucci attempted to sue, of course, by retrieving the original sketches and plans he sent to a lab at Western Union, but these records, quite amazingly, disappeared. Where was Bell working at this time? Why, the very same Western Union lab where Meucci swore he sent his original sketches. Eventually, Meucci died penniless and faded away into obscurity.

 

Did Bell, given his convenient position at Western Union, destroy Meucci’s records and claim the telephone as his own invention? It’s difficult to say. One source says “Yes, definitely,” while others just say “probably.” It makes sense, if you look at the facts: Bell already had a number of important inventions under his belt; it isn’t unreasonable to assume he just got greedy and didn’t want to see anyone else succeed. Further, why would Bell even need a phone? Both his wife and mother were deaf. Who the hell was he gonna call?

#2. Albert Einstein

According to all of your science books and that one episode of Animaniacs, Albert Einstein, Time Magazine’s Man of the Century, invented the theory of relativity. Certainly, when you hear the name Einstein, you undoubtedly will think “He discovered relativity” or “He came up with that E=mc2 equation” or “He was a total sex maniac.” Only one of those things is true. (It’s the sex maniac part.)

Who Actually Invented It?

Henri Poincaré, mostly. Poincaré was the foremost expert on relativity in the late 19th century and was most likely the first person to formally present the theory of relativity. If you were Einstein and you wanted to write about relativity, you might consider meeting with the foremost expert on relativity, yes? If you answered “yes” to that question, then you’re not Einstein at all.

According to Einstein’s famous On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies, which contains his theories on relativity, Poincaré, despite publishing 30 books and over 500 papers, is not worth mentioning. It’s true, pick up Einstein’s paper if you don’t believe us, (you won’t): Poincaré doesn’t receive a single reference, unless you consider plagiarism to be some kind of indirect reference. As a matter of fact, Einstein does not reference, footnote or cite a single goddamn source in his entire paper.

Really? Not one source? Even we cite sources, Albert, and we’re friggin’ Cracked. What the hell?

Einstein, photographed with God

We don’t want to jump to any conclusions here. Maybe Einstein’s paper didn’t contain any sources because he genuinely didn’t read any other current physics texts or papers. Maybe he was seriously that smart. According to Peter Galison’s Einstein’s Clocks, Poincaré’s Maps: Empires of Time, Einstein and a small group of his fellow nerdlings formed a group called The Olympia Academy and would regularly gather to discuss their own works as well as the works of current scientists. The book goes on to specifically mention how Poincaré was one of the scientists that Einstein and his battalion of nerds would discuss.

Shoots that whole “maybe Einstein didn’t read any other papers” theory right to shit, doesn’t it? It’s interesting that Einstein sat studying and discussing the work of Poincaré for years, published a book that featured a theory that was startlingly similar to Poincaré’s, and then didn’t reference Poincaré once in the entire book. Wait, that isn’t interesting? It’s plagiarism. It’s total bullshit plagiarism. Good luck sexing your way out of this one, Einstein.
Einstein in 1951 (age 72)
#1. Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison. The “Wizard of Menlo Park.” Described as one of the “world’s most prolific inventors” with a record-breaking 1,093 patents to his name. You know, a guy could round up and kidnap a buttload of children and keep them forever, but would you call that guy the “world’s most prolific father?” No, of course not. A “soulless monster,” maybe. A “skilled thief,” if you’re being generous. Perhaps even the “King of Pop.” But you wouldn’t call that guy “the world’s most prolific father,” because those aren’t his kids. He stole them. Such is the case with Thomas Edison.

Sure, Cracked’s staunchly anti-Thomas Edison stance is already fairly well documented, but we’re afraid one article detailing what a prick this prick was just isn’t enough. Edison is still celebrated in schools across the country for inventing the light bulb, the motion picture, electricity and a shit-ton of other important crap he had very little to do with.

Edison’s only original invention, the “Face Vacuum.”

Since there literally isn’t enough space on the internet to cover all of the inventions that Edison didn’t invent, we’re just going to focus on the light bulb today.

Who Actually Invented It?

Everyone else. We all know how Edison exploited and took advantage of the poor, but brilliant Nikola Tesla, but who else did Edison step on? Sit back.

Plenty of people messed around with the idea of the light bulb, (Jean Foucault, Humphrey Davy, J.W. Starr, some other guys you’ll never read about in a history text book), but Heinrich Goebel was likely the first person to have actually invented it, back in 1854. He tried selling it to Edison, who saw no practical use in Goebel’s invention and refused. Shortly thereafter, Goebel died and, shortly after that, Edison bought Goebel’s patent, (you know, the one he saw no merit in), off of Goebel’s impoverished widow at a cost much lower than what it was worth.
One of nine light bulbs Edison accidentally got wedged in his anus during its development

Screwing over just one inventor might be alright for Galileo, but Edison was a dreamer and he couldn’t be satisfied with just one, dead disgraced inventor under his belt. So, after Goebel, and a year before Edison “invented” his light bulb, Joseph Wilson Swan developed and patented a working light bulb. When it was clear Edison’s “Fuck Swan” defense wouldn’t hold up in court, he made Swan a partner, forming the Ediswan United Company and effectively buying Swan and his patent.

Soon enough, Edison acquired even more power and bought out Swan completely leaving all records of the light bulb under the care of the Edison Company. Sure, Swan had money, but in buying all of the records, Edison could take sole credit for the light bulb. So, he’s got a laundry list of inventors he’s either stepped on, bullied, exploited or bought out to his name, but what do they say about Edison in the textbooks? Father of the fucking light bulb.

When asked to name the “trial of the century,” the post-literate, B-list-celebrity-obsessed, TV-anchor-as-Oracular-voice Generation X-Minus-One will almost invariably come up with the acquittal of O.J. Simpson as the scholarly height of bootylicious jurisprudence.

But for sheer carnage (not to mention actual historical relevance), nothing beats Nuremberg.

After World War II, the Allies found themselves uncomfortably confronted with an awful truth they had tried studiously to ignore even as the war was in full heat. This was the Holocaust.

You would think, especially when hearing modern leaders discuss war, that the U.S. entered World War II in a fever of moral outrage to thwart the evil of Adolf Hitler and his program of genocide. But that wasn’t the case. There had been scattered reports in the media about mass murders of Jews, but they received little play. People were more upset about Pearl Harbor. The American public, always the last to know, didn’t hear about the concentration camps until 1942, and it took the international community until 1945 to actually win the war and then figure out what to do about the War Crimes.

What they ended up doing, of course, was the Nuremberg tribunal, an indictment of 24 of the most egregious offenders they had managed to catch, and six organizations that supported the Holocaust in various ways.

There were three major charges levied during the Nurermberg tribunals: Crimes against peace (i.e., waging a “war of aggression”), war crimes and crimes against humanity.

The first charge was problematic in a number of ways, although the easiest to prove. For one thing, it was predicated on international agreements that were worded in persnickety ways. For another, well, it’s not like the Nazis were the first people ever to wage a war of aggression.

The latter two charges had legs, however.

The charge of “war crimes” related to atrocities performed by the Nazis in relation to the prosecution of the war itself. This included “murder, ill-treatment or deportation to slave labor or for any other purpose of civilian population of or in occupied territory, murder or ill-treatment of prisoners of war or persons on the seas, killing of hostages, plunder of public or private property, wanton destruction of cities, towns or villages, or devastation not justified by military necessity.”

Crimes against humanity were defined in the Nuremberg charter as “murder, extermination, enslavement, deportation, and other inhumane acts committed against any civilian population, before or during the war; or persecutions on political, racial or religious grounds in execution of or in connection with any crime within the jurisdiction of the Tribunal, whether or not in violation of the domestic law of the country where perpetrated.”

A broad range of individuals and institutions were subject to prosecution under these guidelines, although the number of actual people tried, convicted and sentenced was relatively small (compare to the estimated 6 million Jews and millions more Allied soldiers killed during the course of the Nazi regime).

The individual defendants included Hermann Goering, Rudolf Hess and Albert Speer, Hitler’s war minister, along with most of the governors of occupied territories and several propaganda and economic support personnel. The President of the Reichsbank was indicted, as well as Julius Streicher, one of Hitler’s chief propagandists; Baldur von Schirach, head of the Hitler Youth; and Karl Doenitz, who led the Third Reich during the approximately five-minute interval between Hitler’s death and the end of the Third Reich.

During his trial, Goering, who had been chief of the German Air Force and a key player behind the Holocaust, casually dismissed the concentration camps as “protective custody,” denied that the S.S. had ever been ordered to kill anyone (that was the Gestapo’s job, he explained), and quibbled with prosecutors over whether he had called for a “total” or “final” solution to the “Jewish problem.”

Despite the leverage he could have extracted from a death-bunker statement in Hitler’s will accusing him of disloyalty and attempting to secretly negotiate an end to the war, Goering also proclaimed his enduring loyalty to der Fuhrer. He was eventually sentenced to hang, but he committed suicide before the sentence was carried out.

His peers fared little better. The president of the Reischsbank was sentenced to life in prison, and most of the military governors were sentenced to life or death by hanging. Hess received life in prison, where he committed suicide. Martin Bormann was convicted in absentia, but was later determined to be already dead.

SS General Otto Olendorf wasn’t considered “important” enough to be prosecuted during the first round of war crimes tribunals, despite the fact that he testified to personally ordering the execution of more than 90,000 Jews. Under questioning from prosecutor Col. John Amen, Olendorf’s testimony summed up the worst qualities of many of the defendants, an incredibly detached attitude toward the Reich’s program of genocide, consistently showing more regret for the workplace stress endured by the executioners than for the victims of said executions:

COL. AMEN: What were (the S.S. officers’) instructions with respect to the Jews and the Communist functionaries? OHLENDORF: The instructions were that in the Russian operational areas of the Einsatzgruppen the Jews, as well as the Soviet political commissars, were to be liquidated.

COL. AMEN: And when you say “liquidated” do you mean “killed?”

OHLENDORF: Yes, I mean “killed.” (…) Some of the unit leaders did not carry out the liquidation in the military manner, but killed the victims singly by shooting them in the back of the neck.

COL. AMEN: And you objected to that procedure?

OHLENDORF: I was against that procedure, yes.

COL. AMEN: For what reason?

OHLENDORF: Because both for the victims and for those who carried out the executions, it was, psychologically, an immense burden to bear. (…) Until the spring of 1942, yes. Then an order came from Himmler that in the future women and children were to be killed only in gas vans.

COL. AMEN: How had the women and children been killed previously?

OHLENDORF: In the same way as the men, by shooting.

COL. AMEN: What, if anything, was done about burying the victims after they had been executed?

OHLENDORF: The Kommandos filled the graves to efface the signs of the execution, and then labor units of the population leveled them. (…) I received the report that the Einsatzkommandos did not willingly use the vans.

COL. AMEN: Why not?

OHLENDORF: Because the burial of the victims was a great ordeal for the members of the Einsatzkommandos.

In his closing remarks, U.S. prosecutor Robert Jackson summed up the responsibilities of Hitler’s minions in a historic speech. “I admit that Hitler was the chief villain. But for the defendants to put all blame on him is neither manly nor true. We know that even the head of the state has the same limits to his senses and to the hours of his days as do lesser men. He must rely on others to be his eyes and ears as to most that goes on in a great empire. Other legs must run his errands; other hands must execute his plans. On whom did Hitler rely for such things more than upon these men in the dock?”

In the end, suicide, escapes and the casualties of war allowed the worst offenders of the Nazi regime to escape the direct hand of Justice, and somehow death by hanging doesn’t quite seem to measure up to lampshades made of human skin.

But Nuremberg did result in some convictions. And the tribunals united the international community against the horrors of genocide and unchecked fascism (at least momentarily).

And that’s a lot more important than O.J., as trials of the century go…

Timeline

18 Oct 1945	Indictments brought against Nazi leadership.
20 Nov 1945	Trials commence in Nuremberg.
c. 1945	“Jackson [the chief prosecutor] is away conducting his high-grade lynching party in Nuremberg. I don’t mind what he does to the Nazis, but I hate to see the pretense that he is running a court and proceeding according to common law. This is a little too sanctimonious a fraud to meet my old-fashioned ideas.” U.S. Chief Justice Harlan Fiske Stone, noting that not only was this a case of the victor dictating terms, but also expected rules of jurisprudence such as prohibition of ex post facto were not being followed, Quoted in Alpheus T. Mason’s 1956 book, Pillar of the Law.
25 NOv 1945	Defendant Robert Ley suicides.
1 Oct 1946	Martin Boorman sentenced to death at Nuremberg, in absentia.
16 Oct 1946	Herman Groerning commits suicide with a cyanide capsule.
16 Oct 1946	Nazis hanged, among them Joachim von Ribbentrop, Wilhelm Keitel, Alfred Rosenberg, Fritz Sauckel, Alfred Jodl.

Dr. Josef Mengele was born on March 16, 1911, the eldest of three sons of Karl and Walburga Mengele. Josef was refined, intelligent and popular in his town. He studied philosophy at Munich and medicine at Frankfurt University. In 1935 his dissertation dealt with racial differences in the structure of the lower jaw.

In 1937 he joined the Nazi party, then in 1938 he went to the SS. In 1942 he was wounded at the Russian front and was pronounced unfit for duty. After that he volunteered to go to the concentration camp, he was sent to the death camp, Auschwitz.

Dr. Josef Mengele, nicknamed “the Angel of Death”, became the surviving symbol of Adolf Hitler’s “Final Solution”. Mengele was always immaculately prepared for the long-drawn-out rituals of death, the hellish selections which the young SS doctor so regularly attended during his twenty-one months at the Auschwitz concentration camp..

Josef Mengele was the chief provider for the gas chambers and their crematoria - and did well! “He had a look that said ‘I am the power,’” said one survivor. When it was reported that one block was infected with lice, Mengele solved the problem by gassing all the 750 women assigned to it. At the time, Mengele was only thirty-two years old.

The Angel of Death fed his legend by dramatizing murderous policies, such as his drawing a line on the wall of the children’s block between 150 and 156 centimeters (about 5 feet or 5 feet 2 inches) from the floor.Then sending those whose heads could not reach the line to the gas chamber … (Lifton, p. 346.)

The memory of this slightly built man, scarcely a hair out of place, his dark green tunic neatly pressed, his face well scrubbed, his Death’s Head SS cap tilted rakishly to one side, remains vivid for those who survived his scrutiny when they arrived at the Auschwitz railhead. Polished boots slightly apart, his thumb resting on his pistol belt, he surveyed his prey with those dead gimlet eyes.

 

Death to the left, life to the right. Four hundred thousand souls - babies, small children, young girls, mothers, fathers, and grandparents - are said to have been casually waved to the lefthand side with a flick of the cane clasped in a gloved hand.

When a mother did not want to be separated from her thirteen-year-old daughter, and bit and scratched the face of the SS man who tried to force her to her assigned line, Mengele drew his gun and shot both the woman and the child. As a blanket punishment, he then sent to the gas all people from that transport who had previously been selected for work, with the comment: “Away with this shit!” (Lifton)

There were moments when his death mask gave way to a more animated expression, when Mengele came alive.There was excitement in his eyes, a tender touch in his hands. This was the moment when Josef Mengele, the geneticist, found a pair of twins. Mengele was almost fanatical about drawing blood from twins, mostly identical twins. He is reported to have bled some to death this way.

Once Mengele’s assistant rounded up 14 pairs of Gypsy twins during the night. Mengele supervised how they were placed on his polished marble dissection table and put to sleep. The assistant then proceeded to inject chloroform into their hearts, killing them instantaneously. He then began dissecting and meticulously noting each and every piece of the twins’ bodies.

Twins undergoing his experiments didn’t know what the objectives were. It is known that he had a special pathology lab where he performed autopsies on twins who had died from experiments. It was located next to the cremetorium.

Mengele injected chemicals into the eyes of children in an attempt to change their eye color. He experimented both physical and psychological; experimental surgeries performed without anesthesia, transfusions of blood from one twin to another, isolation endurance, reaction to various stimuli. He made injections with lethal germs, sex change operations, the removal of organs and limbs, incestuous impregnations.

The book Children of the Flames chronicles the notorious medical experimental activities of Josef Mengele on approximately three thousand twins who passed through the Auschwitz death camp during WWII until its liberation at the end of the war. Unfortunately a strict veil of secrecy over the experiments enabled Mengele to do his work more effectively.

Only a few of the three thousand twins survived and now fifty years later they have told their story of how they were given special privileges in Auschwitz due to Mengele’s interest in twins. How as a result they have suffered during the past fifty years as the children who survived the still unknown and unexplained medical experiments and injections which they were subjected to at the hands of Josef Mengele.

The survivors tell how as children in Auschwitz they were visited by a smiling “Uncle Mengele” who brought them candy and clothes.Then he had them delivered to his medical laboratory either in trucks painted with the Red Cross emblem or in his own personal car to undergo his experiments.

One twin recalls the death of his brother:

“Dr. Mengele had always been more interested in Tibi. I am not sure why - perhaps because he was the older twin. Mengele made several operations on Tibi. One surgery on his spine left my brother paralyzed. He could not walk anymore. Then they took out his sexual organs. After the fourth operation, I did not see Tibi anymore. I cannot tell you how I felt. It is impossible to put into words how I felt. They had taken away my father, my mother, my two older brothers - and now, my twin …”

The full extent of his gruesome work will never be known because the records he sent to his mentor, Dr. Von Verschuer at the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute, were shipped out in two truckloads and destroyed by the latter. Any remaining notes Mengele carried with him on his escape to South America and those were never found.

Josef Mengele left Auschwitz disguised as a member of the regular German infantry. He turned up at the Gross-Rosen work camp and left well before it was liberated on February 11, 1945. He was then seen at Matthausen and shortly after he was captured as a POW and held near Munich. He was released by the allies, who had no idea that he was in their midst.

By the fall of 1948, Mengele had made up his mind to leave Germany and build a life elsewhere. Argentina was the preferred choice of sanctuary. There was a groundswell of Nazi sympathy in Argentina. And his father, Karl Sr., who owned a firm that manufactured agricultural equipment, thought that though his company had no branches in Argentina, he had made several business connections there that Josef might develop.

Today it seems that Nazi war criminals escaped to Argentina using false identities supplied by the Red Cross, the humanitarian organisation has admitted. The International Committee of the Red Cross has said it unwittingly provided travel papers to at least 10 top Nazis, including Adolf Eichmann, Klaus Barbie, Erich Priebke and Josef Mengele … A statement issued by the ICRC, from its Geneva headquarters, said they were among thousands of people found in refugee camps who were given Red Cross travel documents.

In the 60′ Adolf Eichmann was caught and taken to Israel where he was tried as a war criminal. On May 31, 1962, the State of Israel carried out the only death sentence in its history on the man whose defense was, “I was just following orders.”

Klaus Barbie, a Gestapo leader in Lyon, France, was convicted of crimes against humanity in 1987.

SS captain Erich Priebke also obtained Red Cross travel documents. He was convicted in 1997 for his role in the 1944 massacre of 335 civilians at the Ardeatine Caves outside Rome and sentenced to life imprisonment.

Mengele gave an Italian residency document with a false name and permission to enter Argentina. He received his passport in 1949. So Josef Mengele fled to South America, but moved from country to country afraid of being caught. There were many warrants, rewards, and bounties offered, but he was lucky.

In South America Mengele divorced Irene Mengele. In 1958, he married his brother Karl’s widow, Martha, and later she and her son moved to Argentina to join Mengele. Mengele’s life had now established itself into the comfortable and secure routine of a family man in a 9-to-5 job with good prospects.

Despite international efforts to track him down, he was never apprehended and lived for 35 years hiding under various aliases. He lived in Paraguay and Brazil until his death in 1979. One afternoon, living in Brazil, he went for a swim. While in the ocean he suffered a massive stroke and began to drown. By the time he was dragged to shore, he was dead.

In MENGELE: The Complete Story (McGraw-Hill, 1986), Gerald L. Posner, and his co-author, John Ware, solved the riddle of the missing Nazi doctor. Nazi hunters, using newly discovered information, uncovered his grave marked “Wolfgang Gerhard” at Embu. Then his family admitted they had shielded him all those years and turned over his diaries and letters to investigators.

But the possibility of a hoax kept the case open for several years. It was not until 1992, after coaxing DNA from a bone, and matching it to DNA in blood samples taken from Mengele’s son and wife that the official conclusion is announced: “The remains are those of Josef Mengele”.

The mystery of Josef Mengele, the evil symbol of the Nazi’s, was solved.

Alabama
# Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
# Incestuous marriages are legal.
# It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
# It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.
# It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
# Masks may not be worn in public
# Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
# Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
# You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
# You may not drive barefooted.
# You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Alaska
# In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they are moose hunting.
# Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
# While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona
# A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
# Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
# It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
# It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
# Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
# There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
# You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
# Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
# Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
# Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
# Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
# Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
# Tucson: Women may not wear pants.

Arkansas
# A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
# Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
# It is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
# It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.
# Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.; Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term; It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday; No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
# The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

California
# A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
# Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
# Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
# A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
# Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
# Bathhouses are against the law.
# Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
# Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds; Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor); Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
# Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.
# Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
# In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
# In California it is illegal to have caller ID
# In California it’s against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
# In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
# In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
# In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance. (Someone needed to be kissed!)
# In San Francisco it’s illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
# In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
# It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
# It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
# It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
# It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
# Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell “Silly String”.
# Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
# Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage; It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
# Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
# No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
# No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
# Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
# Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.
# San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar; The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.
# San Francisco bans any “mechanical device that reproduces obscene language.”
# San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
# Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
# Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
# The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name “San Francisco.” It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

Colorado
# Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
# Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
# Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
# Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
# It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
# Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes “unbecoming” on one’s sex.
# In Colorado it’s now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law.”
# In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber’s to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
# Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
# It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
# It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.

Connecticut
# A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
# A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
# Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
# Bloomfield, Conn: It’s against the law to eat in your car.
# Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
# Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
# Hartford: You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
# In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
# In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
# In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street.
# In Hartford, Conn., it’s illegal to plant a tree in the street.
# In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
# In Simsbury, Conn., it’s illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
# It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
# It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
# New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
# No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
# Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
# You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
# You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
# You may not educate dogs.

Delaware
# Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
# In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
# In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
# It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

D.C.
# A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
# In Washington D.C. it is illegal to post a notice in public which calls another person a ‘coward’ for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
# It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place in the District of Columbia.
# The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
# The U.S. government says it’s a crime to give false weather reports.

#
Florida
# Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
# Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
# Daytona Beach: The molestation of trash cans is banned; While intoxicated, being under influence of narcotics is prohibited; It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired;
# Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
# Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
# Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
# If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
# Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
# It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
# In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
# In Saratoga, Florida it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
# It is considered an offense to shower naked.
# It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
# Key West: Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
# Oral sex is illegal.
# You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
# Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
# Pensacola: Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person; It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel; A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
# Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
# Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
# Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00; You may not catch crabs.
# Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
# Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
# When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
# Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.

Georgia
# Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
# A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
# Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
# Atlanta: Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp; One man may not be on another man’s back.
# Columbus: Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday; It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.
# Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
# In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
# In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one’s porch in an indecent position.
# In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
# It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
# In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
# It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
# It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy” in Jonesboro.
# It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
# Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
# Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
# Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
# Signs are required to be written in English.
# St. Mary’s: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
# Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

Hawaii
# Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
# In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
# Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.
# It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all “lawful and moral” commands of their parents.
# It’s illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
# You will be fined if you do not own a boat.

Idaho
# It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
# If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
# Idaho Falls: If you’re 88 years of age or older, it’s illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
# Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
# Walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
# Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
# Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
# You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois
# “Dwarf-tossing,” the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it’s dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
# A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
# It is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.
# Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.
# Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire; It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Spitting is forbidden
# Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
# Crete: It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog; Cars may not be driven through the town.
# Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
# Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
# Evanston: Bowling is forbidden; It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween; It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
# Fairfield: It is unlawful for “Negroes” to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
# Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
# Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
# Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
# If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn’t have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
# In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.
# In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
# In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
# In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
# In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or “otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object” are banned from going out in public.
# In Oblong, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
# In Zion, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
# It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
# It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
# It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
# It’s not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
# Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
# Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland’s streets.
# Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
# Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited; There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
# Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
# Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
# Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
# Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
# Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
# Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
# Pullman: It is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb; It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck; It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
# The English language is not to be spoken.
# Take some elocution lessons if you’re going to Joliet, Ill., where it’s against the law to mispronounce the city’s name. Offenders can be fined up to $500.
# The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot “throw, drop or place” a used hankie “upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway.”
# You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
# You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

Indiana
# “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.
# A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
# All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
# Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
# Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one’s bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
# Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
# Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
# Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
# Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
# Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
# Drinks on the house are illegal.
# Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears.
# Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
# Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record “It’s In the Book”.
# Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
# Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
# If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
# In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
# In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
# It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
# Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
# Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
# No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
# One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
# Oral sex is illegal.
# Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
# Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
# State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
# Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
# Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.
# The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415
# You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
# You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
# You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.

Iowa
# A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
# An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can’t legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
# Don’t plan on running a “tab” in Iowa; it’s illegal.
# Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
# If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
# In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
# In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
# Indianola: The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.
# It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
# It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
# Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
# One-armed piano players must perform for free.
# Ottumwa: Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
# Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
# The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
# Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.
# You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.

Kansas
# If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
# In Kansas City, KS, saying the name “George Washington” without adding the phrase “blessed be his name,” can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
# In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
# In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
# In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
# It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
# It is illegal to hunt whales.
# It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
# Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
# Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. No one may wear a bee in their hat.
# Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
# No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
# Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
# Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
# Russell: Musical car horns are banned
# Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
# The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
# Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
# Wichita: Before proceeding through the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehicle and fire three shot gun rounds into the air. Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.

Kentucky
# A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
# An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation “shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large.” Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
# A Kentucky statute says: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” Later, an amendment proposed: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.”
# All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
# An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club”. The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: “The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
# Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars.” - KRS 436.140
# Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
# By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground”.
# Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint “three intelligent housekeepers” to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
# Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman’s tie.
# In Danville, Ky., it’s illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
# In Kentucky, according to an old law, it’s illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It’s not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
# In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
# In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
# In Lexington, Kentucky, it’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
# It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
# It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
# It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
# It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
# It’s illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
# Lexington: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
# No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
# No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
# Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. One may not receive anal sex. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)

Louisiana
# An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
# Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault”, while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”.
# Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
# If you’ve ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you’ll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It’s against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
# It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
# It is illegal to gargle in public places.
# It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
# It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
# It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
# It’s legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you’ve just broken the law.
# Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the “ultimate test”– in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
# Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
# New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
# Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
# Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
# Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
# You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

Maine
# After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
# In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
# It’s illegal to clean salmon along Maine’s upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
# In Maine, it is illegal to sell a car on Sunday unless it comes equipped with plumbing.
# In Maine it’s illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
# In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
# In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
# It’s unlawful to tickle a woman’s chin with a feather duster in Portland.
# Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
# Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
# You may not step out of a plane in flight.

Maryland
# Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited. You may not curse inside the city limits.
# Baltimore: It’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898) -Park Rule 6 It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
# Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog’s heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
# Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
# Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
# Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it’s a $100 fine or six months in the can for “forecasting or pretending to foretell the future.”
# In Baltimore it’s illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine. In Baltimore it’s illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
# In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
# In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
# In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
# In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
# In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping.
# In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
# In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”
# In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
# In the entire state of Maryland, it is illegal to give or recieve oral sex.
# It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
# It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
# Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
# Ocean City: A law from the early 1900’s prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited
# Thistles may not grow in one’s yard.
# You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
# You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.
# You cannot throw a bail of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis.
# You may not curse inside the city limits.

Massachusetts
# A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
# A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
# Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
# Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
# All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
# An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
# At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
# Boston: It is illegal to play the fiddle. Two people may not kiss in front of a church. No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city. No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears. Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except o Sundays. It is illegal to eat peanuts in church. An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday. Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common. No one may take a bath without a prescription. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.
# Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You’d get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
# Bullets may not be used as currency.
# Burlington: You may not walk around with a “drink”.
# Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
# Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
# Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
# Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
# Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
# Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
# Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
# Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
# In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it’s illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
# In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
# In Boston it’s illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It’s also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
# In Boston, it’s illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
# In Boston it’s against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you’re overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can’t leave it in the street.
# In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
# In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
# In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.
# In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
# In Provincetown, Mass., it’s illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
# In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
# It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
# It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
# It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
# It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
# It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
# It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
# It’s illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
# It’s illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
# It’s illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
# It’s illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
# It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
# Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
# Marlboro: It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. Silly string is illegal in the city limits. One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.
# Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
# Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
# Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
# Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
# Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.
# No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
# North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
# Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
# Public boxing matches are outlawed.
# Quakers and witches are banned.
# Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
# Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
# Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
# Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
# There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
# Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
# Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
# Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to “walk around” with a beer in your hand.
# You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
# You may not curse inside the city limits.
# You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.

Michigan
# A Michigan law states that a wife’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
# A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
# Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
# In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
# In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.
# In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
# In Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.
# It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
# It is illegal to loiter in the city morgue in Detroit.
# It’s illegal in Michigan for a person under the age of 21 to give a gift of alcohol beverage to anyone, even to a person of legal age.
# Permitting diners to take home an unfinished bottle of alcohol beverage, rather than consuming it all before leaving to prevent “waste,” encourages moderation and discourages intoxication. However, this is prohibited in Michigan.
# Smoking while in bed is illegal.
# The use of the names of dead presidents to sell alcohol in Michigan is prohibited.
# Under an 1889 law, the health officer of East Jordan, Mich., could send any nonresident with an infectious disease back to where he came from, as long as the person could travel. If not, the officer could rent a house for use as a pest house.
# You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

Minnesota
# A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.
# A Minnesota tax form is quite thorough. Some would say too thorough. It even asks for your date of death.
# A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
# A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
# All bathtubs must have feet.
# All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
# Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
# Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
# Clawson: There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
# Every man in Brainerd, Minnesota is required by law to grow a beard.
# Grand Haven: No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
# Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
# Harper Woods: It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
# Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.
# In Duluth, Minnesota it is illegal to allow animals to sleep in a bakery.
# In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren’t enough of a deterrent.)
# It is illegal to sleep naked.
# It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
# It used to be legal in Minnesota to sell rolled candy on Sunday, and illegal to sell flat candy. The wafer people have gotten this one repealed.
# Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street
# Minnesota has repealed its so-called “Twinkie” law, under which a Minneapolis City Council candidate was indicted for dispensing $34 worth of Twinkies, Ho-Hos, cookies, Kool-Aid and coffee to some senior citizens.
# Minnesotans are forbade from teasing skunks.
# No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
# Oral sex is prohibited.
# Public intoxication is a crime in Pennsylvania but specifically not a crime in Minnesota.
# Rochester: All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. Smoking while in bed is illegal.
# St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
# There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat’s head brought into a town office.
# Virginia: You’re not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.
# Wayland: Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
# You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan. Kalamazoo: It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

Mississippi
# Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
# Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
# Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
# Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
# In Brandon, Mississipi it is illegal to attempt to stop someone from walking down the sidewalk by parking a motorhome in their path.
# In Temperance, MS, you can’t walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
# In Oxford, Miss., it’s illegal to “create unnecessary noises.”
# It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
# It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
# Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
# Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
# Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
# Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
# Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine.

Missouri
# Anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.
# Buckner: In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
# Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri… but not toy cap guns.
# Excelsior Springs: Hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
# Four women may not rent an apartment together.
# Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
# In Ballwin, Mo., the only place you can use vulgar, obscene or indecent language is in your home.
# In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”
# In Springfield, door to door salesman are prohibited from selling their goods while standing in the middle of the road, screaming at passing vehicles.
# In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
# In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.
# It is illegal to have oral sex.
# It is not illegal to speed.
# It’s illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.
# Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
# Marceline: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
# Marquette: It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
# Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
# Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
# Mole: Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
# Natchez: It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
# Purdy: Dancing is strictly prohibited.
# St. Louis: It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets. A milk man may not run while on duty.
# University City: Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Montana
# It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
# It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
# In Billings, Montana it is illegal for employees of the city’s communications center to program their phones with speed dial.
# Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
# It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
# Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude.
# Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
# It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
# It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
# It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
# It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
# Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
# Helena: No item may be thrown across a street.
# Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
# Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
# Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
# Montana just legalized the production of caviar.

Nebraska
# A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
# A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
# Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man’s chest in Omaha, Nebraska.
# If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
# In the fine state of Nebraska, it is not legal for a tavern owner to serve beer unless a nice kettle of soup is also brewing.
# It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
# It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
# It is Illegal to go whale fishing.
# It is illegal to sleep naked in a hotel/ motel room.
# Lehigh: Doughnut holes may not be sold
# Omaha: Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.
# The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
# Waterloo: Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.

Nevada
# A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
# Clark County: An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.
# Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
# Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
# In Eureka, Nevada men who have mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
# In Las Vegas, Nevada: It’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
# In Las Vegas you can bet on any team–except The University of Nevada at Las Vegas.
# In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
# In Nevada until the 1960s it was illegal to sell liquor at religious camp meetings, within a half-mile of the state prison, in the State Capitol Building or to imbeciles.
# In Reno, Nevada staging a marathon dance is illegal, although posting a notice on a fire hydrant about illegal dance marathons is not.
# In the old days in Nevada a man caught beating his wife was tied to a stake for eight hours a day with a sign that read, “Wife Beater” fastened to his chest.
# It’s illegal in Nevada to have a “house of ill fame” within 400 yards of a church or school.
# It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
# It is illegal in Reno, Nevada to conceal a spray-painted shopping cart in your basement.
# It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
# Nyala: A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
# Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers’ immediate families.

New Hampshire
# Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
# If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
# In New Hampshire it is illegal to inhale bus fumes with the intent of inducing euphoria.
# In New Hampshire you are prohibited from pawning the clothes off your back to pay off gambling debts.
# It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
# It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
# New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
# On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
# White Mountain Nat. Forest: If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
# You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
# You may not run machinery on Sundays.

New Jersey
# Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
# Bernards Township: It is illegal to frown as the town is a “Frown-Free Town Zone”.
# Caldwell: You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
# Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
# Cranford: Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
# Cresskill: All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
# Elizabeth: It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
# If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
# In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday.
# In Newark it is illegal to buy ice cream after 6:00 p.m.
# In New Jersey it is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
# In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
# It’s illegal in New Jersey for parents to give their children under the age of 18 even a sip of alcohol.
# It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
# It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.
# It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
# It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
# It’s also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street.
# Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
# Manville: It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
# Newark: It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
# Ocean City: People may not slurp their soup. Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday. Raw hamburger may not be sold.
# On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
# Raritan: Profanity is prohibited.
# Raw hamburger may not be sold.
# Sea Isle City: There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
# There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.
# Trenton: You may not throw a bad pickle in the street. Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
# Unless you have a doctor’s note, it’s illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey.
# You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
# You may not slurp your soup.

New Mexico
# A city council member in Albuquerque, N.M., introduced a resolution a few years ago to ban Santa Claus from the city. The matter was defeated.
# Carrizozo: It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
# Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
# In Albuquerque, New Mexico it is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.
# In Carlsbad it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
# In recent years, several efforts have been made to legalize camel racing and ostrich racing in New Mexico, but to no avail. Those bills were defeated, but the legislature recently allowed gambling on bicycle races.
# It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
# Las Cruces: You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.
# State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

Mind Control

Most of human history has been a series of efforts by some humans to control what other humans think. When this effort doesn’t take the form of a dominant organized Religion, we call it “mind control” and officially designate it as “bad.”

Cults and Secret Societies have used simple brainwashing techniques for as long as anyone can remember.

The word “assassin,” for instance, is Arabic for “user of hashish.” The original assassins were an 11th Century Islamic cult of killers called the Nizari, who were promised the glories of martydom (not unlike their modern equivalents). Their leader offered a preview of the paradise to come, visions allegedly delivered via large doses of hash. In India, highly secretive cults flourished for centuries in the names of some of the more violent deities such as Kali.

Hypnotism

In addition to practicing simple mind control techniques on their own, these robber and murderer cults also inspired others to adopt their techniques. The Knights Templar were founded to fight off just such bands of robbers and murderers, who had been targeting Christian pilgrims in the Holy Lands.

The Knights (and their brethren, the Freemasons) quickly discovered the power of cult techniques such as isolation, hypnagogic rituals, arcane initiations and oaths of secrecy, which they very successfully applied among their ranks. Despite being victimized by the skilled torturers of the Inquisition (themselves masters of “thought reform”), none of the loyal thousands of Knights ever spilled any of the group’s deepest secrets.

In the 1700s, Franz Anton Mesmer was born, marking a turning point in the history of mind control. Mesmer developed a technique called “animal magnetism” as a medical technique for treating a number of illnesses (primarily psychosomatic) which were not well understood at the time. Animal magnetism was quickly dubbed “mesmerism” and later morphed into “hypnotism.”

Mesmerism involved different techniques, including the placement or brandishment of literal magnets around the subjects, and the monotonous repetition of words and tones, which induced a trance-like state in its subjects.

In a hypnotic trance, the subject is prone to suggestibility. They tend to believe what they are told and their senses will malfunction to back up these suggestions. Mesmer primarily used the technique to cure various stress-related illnesses but it soon became clear that hypnotism could also be used to make people do things they wouldn’t normally do.

Today, any respectable hypnotist will assure you that a person under hypnosis can’t be induced to do anything they wouldn’t normally be able to do. But then, it’s not the respectable hypnotists that you have to worry about. Regardless of their protestations of harmlessness, the suggestibility of a hypnotized subject offers ample opportunity for the hypnotist to wreak havoc.

Aside from the possibility of just ordering the subject to become a killing machine, which is not a reliable technique, one can plant suggestions that allow the subject to justify all manner of wrongdoing (i.e., “Jim is planning to kill you. He will kill you unless you kill him first. You had better kill him in self-defense.”).

Hypnotic techniques can also be used to plant “post-hypnotic” suggestions, in which a certain set of circumstances (such as the utterance of a “trigger phrase”) cause the subject to act out a preprogrammed behavior. This is more popular as a Hollywood device than effective in the real world, but it can be done.

The main problem with hypnosis as a mind-control technique is that it’s pretty difficult to hypnotize someone against their will. That’s why insidious megalomaniacs returned to the techniques used by the first Assassins — drugs — while inventing new and exciting ways to manipulate the masses in an economical fashion.