TheBizzare.com

Cool, Funny, and Bizarre

Archive for March, 2008

America’s Craziest Laws

Posted by rappin On March - 30 - 2008

Alabama
# Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
# Incestuous marriages are legal.
# It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
# It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.
# It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
# Masks may not be worn in public
# Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
# Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
# You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
# You may not drive barefooted.
# You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Alaska
# In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they are moose hunting.
# Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
# While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona
# A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
# Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
# It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
# It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
# Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
# There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
# You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
# Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
# Maricopa County: No more than six girls may live in any house.
# Mesa: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
# Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
# Nogales: An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
# Tucson: Women may not wear pants.

Arkansas
# A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
# Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
# It is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.
# It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.
# Little Rock: Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.; Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term; It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday; No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
# The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

California
# A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
# Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
# Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
# A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
# Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
# Bathhouses are against the law.
# Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
# Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds; Carmel Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor); Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
# Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.
# Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
# In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
# In California it is illegal to have caller ID
# In California it’s against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
# In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
# In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
# In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance. (Someone needed to be kissed!)
# In San Francisco it’s illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
# In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
# It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
# It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
# It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
# It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
# Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell “Silly String”.
# Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
# Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage; It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
# Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
# No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
# No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
# Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
# Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.
# San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar; The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.
# San Francisco bans any “mechanical device that reproduces obscene language.”
# San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
# Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
# Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
# The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name “San Francisco.” It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

Colorado
# Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
# Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
# Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
# Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
# It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver.
# Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes “unbecoming” on one’s sex.
# In Colorado it’s now legal to remove the furniture tags that say, “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law.”
# In Denver, Colorado it is illegal for Barber’s to give massages to nude customers unless it is for instructional purposes.
# Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
# It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
# It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.

Connecticut
# A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
# A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces
# Balloons with advertising on them are illegal in Hartford, Conn.
# Bloomfield, Conn: It’s against the law to eat in your car.
# Devon: It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
# Guilford: Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
# Hartford: You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
# In colonial times, Hartford, Conn., had an ordinance that allowed any resident to rent the town chain for 2 pence.
# In Connecticut any dogs with tattoos must be reported to the police.
# In Connecticut it is illegal to pirouette while crossing the street.
# In Hartford, Conn., it’s illegal to plant a tree in the street.
# In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
# In Simsbury, Conn., it’s illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.
# It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
# It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
# New Britain: It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
# No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
# Waterbury: It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
# You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
# You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
# You may not educate dogs.

Delaware
# Delaware prohibits horse racing of any kind on Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
# In Delaware it is illegal to get married on a dare.
# In Delaware you may not sell dead people for money without a license.
# It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

D.C.
# A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
# In Washington D.C. it is illegal to post a notice in public which calls another person a ‘coward’ for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
# It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place in the District of Columbia.
# The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
# The U.S. government says it’s a crime to give false weather reports.

#
Florida
# Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
# Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
# Daytona Beach: The molestation of trash cans is banned; While intoxicated, being under influence of narcotics is prohibited; It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired;
# Florida deals with its prostitution problem by giving prostitutes spending money, a five-year banishment, and a bus ticket out of town.
# Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
# Hialeah: Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
# If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
# Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
# It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
# In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
# In Saratoga, Florida it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
# It is considered an offense to shower naked.
# It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
# Key West: Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
# Oral sex is illegal.
# You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
# Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
# Pensacola: Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person; It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel; A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
# Pinecrest: In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
# Sanford Stage: Nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
# Sarasota: If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00; You may not catch crabs.
# Tampa Bay: It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
# Under a 1959 ordinance, stubborn children were considered vagrants in Jupiter Inlet Colony, Fla.
# When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
# Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. The salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.

Georgia
# Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
# A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
# Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
# Atlanta: Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp; One man may not be on another man’s back.
# Columbus: Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday; It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.
# Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
# In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
# In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one’s porch in an indecent position.
# In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
# It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
# In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
# It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
# It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy” in Jonesboro.
# It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
# Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
# Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
# Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
# Signs are required to be written in English.
# St. Mary’s: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
# Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

Hawaii
# Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
# In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician.
# Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.
# It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all “lawful and moral” commands of their parents.
# It’s illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.
# You will be fined if you do not own a boat.

Idaho
# It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
# If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
# Idaho Falls: If you’re 88 years of age or older, it’s illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
# Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
# Walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
# Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
# Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
# You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois
# “Dwarf-tossing,” the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it’s dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
# A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
# It is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.
# Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.
# Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire; It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Spitting is forbidden
# Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
# Crete: It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog; Cars may not be driven through the town.
# Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
# Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
# Evanston: Bowling is forbidden; It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween; It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
# Fairfield: It is unlawful for “Negroes” to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
# Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
# Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
# Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
# If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn’t have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
# In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.
# In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
# In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
# In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
# In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or “otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object” are banned from going out in public.
# In Oblong, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
# In Zion, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
# It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
# It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
# It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
# It’s not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
# Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
# Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland’s streets.
# Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
# Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited; There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
# Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
# Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
# Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
# Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
# Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
# Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
# Pullman: It is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb; It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck; It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
# The English language is not to be spoken.
# Take some elocution lessons if you’re going to Joliet, Ill., where it’s against the law to mispronounce the city’s name. Offenders can be fined up to $500.
# The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot “throw, drop or place” a used hankie “upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway.”
# You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
# You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

Indiana
# “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.
# A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
# All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
# Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
# Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one’s bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
# Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
# Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
# Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
# Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
# Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
# Drinks on the house are illegal.
# Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears.
# Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
# Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record “It’s In the Book”.
# Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
# Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
# If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
# In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
# In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
# It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
# Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
# Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
# No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
# One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
# Oral sex is illegal.
# Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
# Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
# State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
# Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
# Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.
# The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415
# You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
# You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
# You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.

Iowa
# A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
# An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can’t legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
# Don’t plan on running a “tab” in Iowa; it’s illegal.
# Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
# If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
# In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
# In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
# Indianola: The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.
# It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
# It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
# Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
# One-armed piano players must perform for free.
# Ottumwa: Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
# Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
# The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
# Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.
# You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.

Kansas
# If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
# In Kansas City, KS, saying the name “George Washington” without adding the phrase “blessed be his name,” can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
# In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
# In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
# In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
# It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
# It is illegal to hunt whales.
# It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
# Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
# Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. No one may wear a bee in their hat.
# Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
# No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
# Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
# Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
# Russell: Musical car horns are banned
# Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
# The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
# Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
# Wichita: Before proceeding through the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehicle and fire three shot gun rounds into the air. Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.

Kentucky
# A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
# An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation “shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large.” Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
# A Kentucky statute says: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” Later, an amendment proposed: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.”
# All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
# An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club”. The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: “The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
# Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars.” - KRS 436.140
# Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
# By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground”.
# Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint “three intelligent housekeepers” to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
# Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman’s tie.
# In Danville, Ky., it’s illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
# In Kentucky, according to an old law, it’s illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It’s not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
# In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
# In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
# In Lexington, Kentucky, it’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
# It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
# It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
# It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
# It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
# It’s illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
# Lexington: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
# No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
# No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
# Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. One may not receive anal sex. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)

Louisiana
# An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
# Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault”, while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”.
# Communism has been against the law in Haines City, La., since 1950.
# If you’ve ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, you’ll see the kings and queens on the various floats throwing plastic money, medallions and jewels to the crowd, but not food. It’s against the law to throw food from a float in the Mardi Gras festivities.
# It is against state law to steal even a single crawfish.
# It is illegal to gargle in public places.
# It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
# It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
# It is illegal in Lafayette, Louisiana to play a musical instrument for the purpose of attracting attention, without a license.
# It’s legal to walk down the street with a drink in New Orleans, even to drive with a drink. But if you fall over and block the sidewalk, you’ve just broken the law.
# Louisiana law prohibits couples who are shopping for a new bed from putting it to the “ultimate test”– in other words, from trying it out by making love on it, or even simulating this activity.
# Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
# New Orleans: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
# Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
# Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
# Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
# You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

Maine
# After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
# In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
# It’s illegal to clean salmon along Maine’s upper Kennebec River. Enforcement of this law has been made easier for many years by the fact that, because of a dam, there are no salmon on the upper Kennebec River.
# In Maine, it is illegal to sell a car on Sunday unless it comes equipped with plumbing.
# In Maine it’s illegal to catch lobsters with your bare hands.
# In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
# In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
# It’s unlawful to tickle a woman’s chin with a feather duster in Portland.
# Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
# Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
# You may not step out of a plane in flight.

Maryland
# Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited. You may not curse inside the city limits.
# Baltimore: It’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898) -Park Rule 6 It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
# Baltimore has regulations governing the disposal of hog’s heads, pet droppings and oyster shells.
# Columbia: You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish. Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
# Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
# Gypsies should steer clear of Caroline County, Md., where it’s a $100 fine or six months in the can for “forecasting or pretending to foretell the future.”
# In Baltimore it’s illegal to block the sidewalk with a box. But the offense only carries a $1 fine. Another law makes it illegal to throw bale of hay (or of anything else) out a second-story window. That gets you a $20 fine. In Baltimore it’s illegal to play professional croquet before 2 p.m. Sunday. The law also applies to professional quoits.
# In Baltimore it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
# In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.
# In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
# In Halethrope, Maryland kisses longer than one second are illegal.
# In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping.
# In Maryland, men may not buy drinks for female bartenders.
# In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”
# In Maryland, the legislature once proposed a board of parachute examiners to be made up of five licensed parachute instructors who would test and license all other parachute instructors. The plan had been abandoned when it was learned there were only three licensed parachute instructors in the state.
# In the entire state of Maryland, it is illegal to give or recieve oral sex.
# It is a violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine.
# It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
# Maryland now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.
# Ocean City: A law from the early 1900’s prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited
# Thistles may not grow in one’s yard.
# You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
# You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.
# You cannot throw a bail of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis.
# You may not curse inside the city limits.

Massachusetts
# A Boston mayor who disliked dancing and liked to retire early once banned midnight dancing in the Hub City.
# A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
# Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
# Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
# All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
# An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
# At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
# Boston: It is illegal to play the fiddle. Two people may not kiss in front of a church. No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city. No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears. Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except o Sundays. It is illegal to eat peanuts in church. An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday. Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common. No one may take a bath without a prescription. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.
# Both Massachusetts and New Hampshire had old laws that penalized gamblers who lost money. You’d get fined in Massachusetts if you had any money left.
# Bullets may not be used as currency.
# Burlington: You may not walk around with a “drink”.
# Cambridge: It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk. It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday.
# Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
# Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
# Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
# Hingham: You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.
# Hopkinton: Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.
# Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
# Holyoke, Massachusetts, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
# In a law that predates returnable bottles and cans, it’s illegal in Boston to rummage through rubbish containers.
# In 1659 the state of Massachusetts outlawed Christmas.
# In Boston it’s illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal. It’s also against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole.
# In Boston, it’s illegal to cut firewood in the street, or shoot a bow and arrow in the street.
# In Boston it’s against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable. If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you’re overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can’t leave it in the street.
# In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician.
# In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
# In Massachusetts you must have a license to wear a goatee.
# In Massachusetts, if you get caught eating peanuts in church , you can be jailed for up to one year.
# In Provincetown, Mass., it’s illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday.
# In Salem, Massachesetts sleeping in the nude in a rented room is forbidden, even for married couples.
# It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
# It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
# It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
# It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost.
# It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
# It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine
# It’s illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building.
# It’s illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road.
# It’s illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits.
# It’s illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
# It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
# Longmeadow: It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
# Marlboro: It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. Silly string is illegal in the city limits. One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.
# Massachusetts law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
# Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
# Milford: Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
# Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
# Newton: All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor.
# No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
# North Andover: An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
# Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
# Public boxing matches are outlawed.
# Quakers and witches are banned.
# Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
# Southbridge, Massachusetts, makes it illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.
# Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
# Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
# There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
# Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
# Under an old law in Marblehead, Mass., it was illegal to cross the street on Sunday, unless absolutely necessary.
# Woburn: In bars, it is illegal to “walk around” with a beer in your hand.
# You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish.
# You may not curse inside the city limits.
# You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.

Michigan
# A Michigan law states that a wife’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
# A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
# Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
# In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
# In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.
# In Detroit, Michigan it is illegal to sleep in a bathtub.
# In Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.
# It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
# It is illegal to loiter in the city morgue in Detroit.
# It’s illegal in Michigan for a person under the age of 21 to give a gift of alcohol beverage to anyone, even to a person of legal age.
# Permitting diners to take home an unfinished bottle of alcohol beverage, rather than consuming it all before leaving to prevent “waste,” encourages moderation and discourages intoxication. However, this is prohibited in Michigan.
# Smoking while in bed is illegal.
# The use of the names of dead presidents to sell alcohol in Michigan is prohibited.
# Under an 1889 law, the health officer of East Jordan, Mich., could send any nonresident with an infectious disease back to where he came from, as long as the person could travel. If not, the officer could rent a house for use as a pest house.
# You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

Minnesota
# A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.
# A Minnesota tax form is quite thorough. Some would say too thorough. It even asks for your date of death.
# A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
# A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
# All bathtubs must have feet.
# All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
# Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
# Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
# Clawson: There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
# Every man in Brainerd, Minnesota is required by law to grow a beard.
# Grand Haven: No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
# Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
# Harper Woods: It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
# Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.
# In Duluth, Minnesota it is illegal to allow animals to sleep in a bakery.
# In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren’t enough of a deterrent.)
# It is illegal to sleep naked.
# It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
# It used to be legal in Minnesota to sell rolled candy on Sunday, and illegal to sell flat candy. The wafer people have gotten this one repealed.
# Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street
# Minnesota has repealed its so-called “Twinkie” law, under which a Minneapolis City Council candidate was indicted for dispensing $34 worth of Twinkies, Ho-Hos, cookies, Kool-Aid and coffee to some senior citizens.
# Minnesotans are forbade from teasing skunks.
# No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
# Oral sex is prohibited.
# Public intoxication is a crime in Pennsylvania but specifically not a crime in Minnesota.
# Rochester: All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. Smoking while in bed is illegal.
# St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
# There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat’s head brought into a town office.
# Virginia: You’re not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.
# Wayland: Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
# You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan. Kalamazoo: It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

Mississippi
# Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
# Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
# Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
# Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
# In Brandon, Mississipi it is illegal to attempt to stop someone from walking down the sidewalk by parking a motorhome in their path.
# In Temperance, MS, you can’t walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
# In Oxford, Miss., it’s illegal to “create unnecessary noises.”
# It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
# It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
# Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
# Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
# Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
# Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
# Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine.

Missouri
# Anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.
# Buckner: In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
# Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri… but not toy cap guns.
# Excelsior Springs: Hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
# Four women may not rent an apartment together.
# Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
# In Ballwin, Mo., the only place you can use vulgar, obscene or indecent language is in your home.
# In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”
# In Springfield, door to door salesman are prohibited from selling their goods while standing in the middle of the road, screaming at passing vehicles.
# In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
# In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.
# It is illegal to have oral sex.
# It is not illegal to speed.
# It’s illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.
# Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
# Marceline: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
# Marquette: It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
# Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
# Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
# Mole: Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
# Natchez: It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
# Purdy: Dancing is strictly prohibited.
# St. Louis: It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets. A milk man may not run while on duty.
# University City: Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Montana
# It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
# It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
# In Billings, Montana it is illegal for employees of the city’s communications center to program their phones with speed dial.
# Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
# It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
# Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude.
# Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
# It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
# It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
# It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
# It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
# Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
# Helena: No item may be thrown across a street.
# Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
# Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
# Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
# Montana just legalized the production of caviar.

Nebraska
# A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.
# A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
# Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man’s chest in Omaha, Nebraska.
# If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
# In the fine state of Nebraska, it is not legal for a tavern owner to serve beer unless a nice kettle of soup is also brewing.
# It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
# It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
# It is Illegal to go whale fishing.
# It is illegal to sleep naked in a hotel/ motel room.
# Lehigh: Doughnut holes may not be sold
# Omaha: Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.
# The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
# Waterloo: Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.

Nevada
# A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
# Clark County: An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.
# Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
# Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
# In Eureka, Nevada men who have mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
# In Las Vegas, Nevada: It’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
# In Las Vegas you can bet on any team–except The University of Nevada at Las Vegas.
# In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
# In Nevada until the 1960s it was illegal to sell liquor at religious camp meetings, within a half-mile of the state prison, in the State Capitol Building or to imbeciles.
# In Reno, Nevada staging a marathon dance is illegal, although posting a notice on a fire hydrant about illegal dance marathons is not.
# In the old days in Nevada a man caught beating his wife was tied to a stake for eight hours a day with a sign that read, “Wife Beater” fastened to his chest.
# It’s illegal in Nevada to have a “house of ill fame” within 400 yards of a church or school.
# It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
# It is illegal in Reno, Nevada to conceal a spray-painted shopping cart in your basement.
# It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
# Nyala: A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
# Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers’ immediate families.

New Hampshire
# Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
# If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
# In New Hampshire it is illegal to inhale bus fumes with the intent of inducing euphoria.
# In New Hampshire you are prohibited from pawning the clothes off your back to pay off gambling debts.
# It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
# It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
# New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
# On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
# White Mountain Nat. Forest: If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.
# You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
# You may not run machinery on Sundays.

New Jersey
# Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
# Bernards Township: It is illegal to frown as the town is a “Frown-Free Town Zone”.
# Caldwell: You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
# Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
# Cranford: Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
# Cresskill: All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
# Elizabeth: It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
# If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
# In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday.
# In Newark it is illegal to buy ice cream after 6:00 p.m.
# In New Jersey it is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
# In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
# It’s illegal in New Jersey for parents to give their children under the age of 18 even a sip of alcohol.
# It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
# It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.
# It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
# It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
# It’s also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street.
# Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
# Manville: It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
# Newark: It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
# Ocean City: People may not slurp their soup. Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday. Raw hamburger may not be sold.
# On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
# Raritan: Profanity is prohibited.
# Raw hamburger may not be sold.
# Sea Isle City: There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
# There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.
# Trenton: You may not throw a bad pickle in the street. Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
# Unless you have a doctor’s note, it’s illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey.
# You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
# You may not slurp your soup.

New Mexico
# A city council member in Albuquerque, N.M., introduced a resolution a few years ago to ban Santa Claus from the city. The matter was defeated.
# Carrizozo: It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
# Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
# In Albuquerque, New Mexico it is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.
# In Carlsbad it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
# In recent years, several efforts have been made to legalize camel racing and ostrich racing in New Mexico, but to no avail. Those bills were defeated, but the legislature recently allowed gambling on bicycle races.
# It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
# Las Cruces: You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.
# State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

Exorcism - The Facts

Posted by rappin On March - 29 - 2008

The Laity and Deliverance

HOW DO DELIVERANCE PRAYERS DIFFER FROM EXORCISM PRAYERS?

 

Today solemn exorcism is limited to the priest who prays in the name of the church. There are three requirements in order for this rite to be performed; the person must be possessed, a priest must perform the exorcism, and finally an exorcism could only be performed with the permission of the bishop (see signs of possession).

With private exorcism a lay-person or religious can pray in his/her own name (not in the name of the church). What this means is the laity cannot use the Roman Ritual of Exorcism to pray in the name of the church.

 

HOW DO EVIL SPIRITS ENTER US?

 

Evil spirits enter us through many ways as indicated in the examples below.

Innocent Victim :

* In some cases, evil spirits enter an innocent victim. The victim may be an unborn baby who is cursed from the mother’s womb. The curse can be from a jealous relative, friend, enemy, or even the child’s own parents.
* Innocent victims may also include children who are not loved, who are mistreated or abused or rejection by other children, siblings, parents, etc. The abuse can range from sexual abuse, mental abuse, or physical abuse.

Those who Choose Evil:

In other cases, an evil spirit may enter us because of involvement in evil practices such as the occult, The occult is any practice that involves ceremonies, rituals, chants, magic, or activities that are obviously not God centered. These activities or rituals can change the course of nature, the the lives of those who are involved in such practices, and of course, the innocent victims.

* The Ouija board is a popular occult board game and there is also Dungeons and Dragons. Satan’s main target in Dungeons and Dragons game is our youth. With Dungeons and Dragons, the most powerful and successful players are those who use magic. There is a Dungeons Master Guide that even teaches new beginners how to communicate with the dead, cast spells, and learn to chant.
* The use of magic revolves around evil spirits, psychic abilities and contacting spirits. Magic is a power that does not involve God. It is a power that is derived from such things as voodoo, sorcery, primitive religions and Satanism. Most witches who use magic swear that they do not worship Satan but worship the gods and goddesses of nature (The gods and goddesses of nature are hardly Jesus Christ! Of course they worship Satan! Do not let someone who practices this occult tell you otherwise!). Many of these individuals are unknown because they blend in quite well. They can be found attending church services in every denomination and they practice their magic on the side. If someone tells you white magic is ok–don’t believe them!!
* Use of new age tools such as crystals, divination, astrology, tarot cards, crystal balls, reincarnation, pendulums, Yoga, Transcendental Meditation
* Those who make a pact with Satan or attend Satanic services or rituals.
* Going to Séances, fortune tellers, Horoscopes, or spiritualist meetings for the purpose of contact the dead.
* Those who use alcohol or mind changing drugs such as LSD, cocaine, marijuana
* Sex out of wedlock, active homosexuals, masturbation, adultery
* Those who have an abortion
* Those who try to commit suicidal or have suicidal tendencies.

CAN I COMMAND AN EVIL SPIRIT TO LEAVE ME?

Yes! You can say deliverance prayers for yourself but in order for you to achieve freedom you must be spiritually prepared by making a commitment to God. You must stop any sinful acts (see Ten Commandments) and confess your sins. Before you can renounce evil in your life you must want to change and follow God where ever he leads you.

It is very important to have a guide to follow that is why we highly recommend Neal Lozano’s book “UNBOUND”. Neal will walk you through the steps to finding freedom.

Neal suggests that you find someone with experience to pray with you for deliverance. If there is no one to help you with deliverance prayers then you can apply what you have learned from Neal’s book and say deliverance prayers for yourself.

If you cannot afford the book (@ $12.00) there are steps you can take on your own but they may not be as effective without the proper training necessary to know what spirit is behind your affliction. That is why we recommend Neal’s book.

We will briefly go over Neal’s five keys with our own summary. Reflect on these keys. Start at the beginning of your life while you were in your mother’s womb (see Prayer Ninth Months from the Mothers Womb). Move on next to your infancy, childhood, teenage years, adult life.

1) Repentance and Faith

If you do not already have a relationship with God you must start one. Pray and ask God to enter your life (see finding God).

Examples:
Lord please forgive me for ______
Lord I am sorry for____

2) Forgiveness

To forgive another is a very difficult task and because of this fact, many people choose not to forgive. Unforgiveness is death to the soul and this death is reflected in the lives of those who are unforgiving. When we are unforgiving we store up hatred and revenge and this is what makes us unhappy, depressed, filled with anxiety, full of self-hatred, loneliness, hatred and unkindness towards others, the inability to love, and finally, we are unpleasant to be around. Forgiveness is a very important part of healing and deliverance. If you are having difficulty in forgiving someone go straight to God and ask Him for help. It is good to cry and let the hurt out. Ask God to replace the hurt with His love. Ask Him to help you to forgive.

Examples:
In the name of Jesus I forgive_____ for________ (be specific)

3) Renouncing the works of your enemies

When you renounce a troubled area of your live (example:I renounce the spirit of FEAR) you are giving up the power Satan has over you. You are the one in charge and you are the one who wants the evil influence to leave.

Neal tells us that renunciation does three things:

a) Identifies the lie and the power behind the lie
b) Breaks the power
c) Gives us personal responsibility (we are telling the evil we have had enough and want it to leave.

Examples:
I renounce every physical and sexual tie with____ and I take back the authority I gave him or her (or what he/she took from me)

I renounce my addiction to drugs
I renounce the spirit of fear that entered me when I was raped.

4) Standing in the authority you have in Christ

As Neal states in his book, “We have been given authority in His name to advance the Kingdom of God. We can exercise this authority over evil spirits as we serve Him, is our own lives.

Mark 16:17-18 - “And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

Examples:
In the name of Jesus I break the power of every spirit that (person or self) have renounced, and I command them to go right now.

5) Receiving God’s blessing of your identity and destiny

Satan’s plan is for you to be miserable your whole life and to hate God. As Neal states in his book: “At the heart of Satan’s attack upon you is his attempt to rob you of your true identity and destiny. Satan will do anything he can to keep you from knowing God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

An example prayer from “Unbound”:

My Father, thank You for sending Jesus and showing me the way home to You.
I have opened myself to You. My life is hidden in Christ. Please bless my life. As
I identify with Christ, I, too, can hear Your words spoken over me: “You are my
son/daughter, whom I love: with you I am well pleased.” In Christ I receive this
blessing–and every spiritual blessing You have for me. Thank You, Father, for
knitting me together in my mother’s womb, for calling me by name and for
having a special plan for my future.
Y our works are wonderful!

Examples:
Say prayers of thanks to God.


The Church and Exorcism

 

WHAT IS POSSESSION?

 

Possession is when Satan enters and takes over the physical and mental capabilities of a victim, however, the soul and will remains free. Satan acts through the victim without the victim’s consent, thus the victim is morally blameless. Satan does not act alone when he possesses an individual. He works side by side with many evil spirits such as spirits of lust, hate, destruction, suicide, revenge, anger, anxiety, desperation, death, torment, etc. Such an example is found in Luke 8:30 the case of the possessed man in the territory of the Gerasenes: “Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “Legion,” because many demons had entered him “.

Satan’s army of evil, torment many unknowing lost souls to the point of destruction of others and of themselves. Today a more favorable climate exists for cases of possession and obsession then ever before. Our world has become a playground of pornography, sex, money, material possessions, drugs, and alcohol. There are so many instruments to spread these Satanic messages such as television, Internet, radio, music, and even the clothing we wear; thus our children are exposed to a multitude of temptations and are wide open to evil. The “predominant” Gods of of this age we live in include money, television, music, and sex. Unfortunately, the “cure”-exorcism, is considered an “ancient” ritual and is snubbed by most religious leaving many victims to suffer indescribable torments, and in some instances, even suicide.

 

SIGNS OF POSSESSION
(from the Roman Ritual of Exorcism)

 

The following are symptoms of possession as represented in the Roman Ritual of Exorcism. In most cases, a victim will have one or more of the traits listed.

Victim speaks or understands unknown languages without ever studying the language being spoken or heard

Victim clearly knows things that are distant or hidden

Victim can predict future events (sometimes through dreams)

Victim has an intense hatred for holy things

Victim shows a physical strength far above his age or normal condition

The Extraordinary Activities of Satan Defined - The following is taken from Fr. Gabriele Amorth’s second book “An Exorcist More Stories.” Fr. Amorth’s book is published by IGNATIUS released in 2002. The boundaries between one category and another are not clear-cut, because there is a lot of mingling and compounding of symptoms.

External Pain - deals strictly with physical suffering. This includes the beatings, scourging, and injuries caused by inexplicable pushing, falling objects, and so on, that we read about in the lives of many saints, such as the Curé of Ars. Saint Paul of the Cross, and Padre Pio. These occurrences are not as rare as we may think, and the demon’s activity is usually confined to external activity; internal activity, if any, is only temporary and limited to the duration of a particular disturbance.

Diabolic Possession - is the gravest form of demonic activity, which allows a continuing presence of a demon in a human body. The evil symptoms do not have to be continuous but can alternate between periods of crisis and periods of rest. Possession implies intervals of temporary suspension of mental, intellectual, affective, and volitive faculties. Symptoms can include the knowledge of languages unknown to the victim, superhuman strength, and the ability to know the occult or someone else’s thoughts. Typically, there is an aversion to anything sacred, often in conjunction with blasphemy. There are also frauds who pose as demoniac; therefore, we need to be extremely wary.

Diabolic Oppression - is a ransom discomfort. We must remember that symptoms and gravity differ greatly case by case. This oppression can strike health, job, affections, relationship with others, and so on. Its symptoms include unexplainable rages and a tendency to complete isolation. Oppression can affect both individual and groups (even very large groups).

Diabolic Obsession- causes an almost split personality. Our will remains free, but it is oppressed by obsessive thoughts. The victim experiences thoughts that may be rationally absurd but of such a nature that he is unable to free himself. The obsessed person lives in a perpetual state of prostration, with persistent temptations to suicide. We must be aware that the temptation to commit suicide is also present in diabolic possession and diabolic oppression.

Diabolic Infestation - In this case, the malefic activity is directed toward places (houses, offices, stores, fields), objects (cars, pillows, mattresses, dolls) and animals, therefore it only indirectly affects man. Origen tells us that the early Christians resorted to exorcisms in these situations.

Diabolic Subjugation - The term indicates a voluntary pact–implicit or explicit—with Satan, by which we submit to the lordship of the demon. There are also involuntary times with the evil one; these cases fall into the preceding categories, especially the most severe: possession.
HOW DOES ONE BECOME POSSESSED?

Below, Fr. Amorth explains that there are four principal causes that may cause one to fall victim to these evils.

Pure Divine Permission
Clearly, nothing happens without divine permission, but God never wills evil, suffering, or temptation. He gave us freedom and allows the existence of evil, but knows how to turn it into good. When he gives the demon his permission to torment us, he does so to strengthen us in virtue, as in the biblical example of Job, as well as of many blesseds and saints. We must keep in mind that diabolical harassment in itself has nothing to do with the state of grace of its victims.

Subject to a Curse
Here, too, the victim is innocent, but there is culpability on the part of whoever casts and/or commissions the curse. By the word curse, I mean the intention of harming others through demonic intervention. This can be achieved in many ways: malefice (or spell), binding, evil eye, malediction, and so on. The matter is serious, but we need to be on guard against misconceptions. By their nature, curses lend themselves to all sorts of abuses, especially when we consider the current escalation in the number of frauds, suggestions, manias, and more.

Grave Hardening of Sin
Judas Iscariot is the classical Gospel example. The many individuals who abandon themselves to sexual perversions, violence, and drugs fall into this group. The heinous crime of abortion aggravates this situation; its terrible repercussions are clearly seen during exorcisms, because to liberate a victim who is guilty of abortion usually requires a very long period of time. Due to the current devastation of the family and the laxity of morals, the repercussions that stem from the scourge of abortion are much more common than in the past. When we take all these factors into account, we can understand why the number of individuals stricken by evil ailments has multiplied.

Proximity to Evil Places or Persons
This includes attending spiritualistic session, dabbling in magic, or consulting magicians, witch doctors, and some card readers; also, practicing the occult, belonging to satanic sects, or practicing in rites that climax with black masses, and so on, put us at great risk.

To this category we can add the influence of mass media, such as pornographic shows and violent horror movies broadcast by many TV stations. We witness the effects of the widespread presence of rock music, culminating in satanic rock performed in what we could easily refer to as “churches or rock”, such as stadiums, parks, and discothèques. We should not be surprised that, today, there is an explosion of these activities: a decline in faith life is directly connected to an increase in superstitions. I will not tire or repeating that members of the clergy have done nothing to oppose, or at least warn against, all these evils, because they are completely ignorant even of what the Bible explicitly says on the subject. This forth category has greatly contributed to the increase in evil ailments in the last decades, especially among the young. Taken from (An Exorcist More Stories by Fr. Gabriele Amorth, published by IGNATIUS PRESS can be purchased at Amazon.com).
WHO CAN PERFORM AN EXORCISM?

In the early church (according the Early Church Fathers) the casting out of demons was widely accepted and exorcism could be performed by anyone. Why then has this practice changed? It has been found that in severe cases if the one who is casting out the demons is not experienced or grounded in faith and does not have sufficient spiritual protection it can be harmful for both the victim and the so called exorcist. We find in Matthew 17:20-21 a case in which the apostles could not cast out a demon from the epileptic demoniac. Jesus rebuked them for not being prepared and told them only through prayer and fasting could this demon be cast out.

Before Vatican II the exorcism prayer was part of the Baptismal rite. Why? In the days of the early church there were many pagans coming into the church. Part of the long preparation for these pagans coming into the church was exorcism on Holy Saturday before Easter.

Around the third century, Pope Cornelius was the first to make the exorcist a minor order (See on Internet about this). He announced that an exorcist could be a priest, deacon or in the subdiaconate. The minor order of exorcism has since been dropped by Pope Paul VI in 1972. He did not believe there was a need and it was obsolete.

From the Commentary of the Code of Canon Law

Canon 1172 - (1) No one can perform exorcisms legitimately upon the possessed unless he has obtained special express permission from the local ordinary. (2) The local ordinary is to give this permission only to a presbyter who has piety, knowledge, prudence, and integrity of life.

An exorcism is a sacramental by which “the Church asks publicly and authoritatively in the name of Jesus Christ that a person or object be protected against the power of the Evil One and withdrawn from his dominion. The canon pertains to solemn exorcisms observing the Rite of Exorcism of the Roman Ritual, not to the simply exorcism that are part of the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults or the baptism of infants.

One of the praenotanda to the 1998 Rite of Exorcism (n13) has completely reordered this canon. There are significant differences between the new law and the canon.

An exorcist is to be a priest (sacerdos) not a presbyter (presbyterus) as in the canon, which means bishops as well as presbyters may be appointed exorcists.

The priest must have specific preparation for this office.

“For the most part” (plerumque), the local ordinary who appoints the exorcist should be the diocesan bishop, which implies that the vicar general and episcopal vicar should not do it without a special mandate, except in a case of need when the bishop cannot be reached.

The exorcist, whether appointed to the stable office of exorcist or ad actum, is to fulfill this ministry under the direction of the diocesan bishop.

The Ritual of Exorcism

Exorcists in this day and age are on the verge of extinction. No one, religious or lay, would like to acknowledge the fact that Satan is alive and well, tormenting and destroying souls. Many religious do not believe in possession and many are afraid to believe that it can occur. It seems that most religious fear Satan and what he can do to them, more then they believe in God who can do ALL things. Fear is Satan’s dear friend. When someone fears Satan, Satan has power over them. The religious clergy fail to realize that Satan’s biggest fear, more than exorcism, is confession. A priest who preaches, and hears confessions, should not be afraid to be an exorcist. To not use the powers of exorcism that Christ has given, is a direct betrayal of His command.

PROCEDURE OF THE EXORCIST

The appendix of the Roman Ritual has the longer rite of exorcism and states that the exorcist should “Superpelliceo et stola violacea indutus,” (wear an alb and a purple stole) right before the part of the prayer that begins “Ecce crucem domine, fúgite partes advérsae.” The priest is instructed to “imponat extreman parte stolae ejus” (having made the sign of the cross over the victim, place the ends of the stole around this person’s neck).

One may have two normal sized stoles sewn together in order to have a very long stole to extend from the priest to the victim’s neck. It is truly amazing how the blessed stole calms and controls the possessed person. Certainly one initially may encounter violent reactions, but that is to be expected. The stole not only symbolizes, but demonstrates the power of the priesthood. Jesus binds the evil spirits with the use of this sacramental.

The Ritual next instructs the priest to place his right hand on the head of his vicitm. Of course, the imposition of hands was used by Jesus to heal the sick. The church mimics this use in the Sacrament of the Sick and in other ways. Jesus blessed children in this way. It has been noted by many individuals that hands of the priest’s calm or burn them. If an assistant priest is present, they also may place hands on the person’s head. A Bible containing both the Old and New Testaments should be on hand when questioning and commanding the demons to respond. After invoking the Holy Spirit, there is surprising response and confirmation, which are keys to opening up and freeing the person. For example, a woman who had been a war orphan revealed through scripture that she was not baptized. Another woman opened the Bible to Tobias where it stated that she was not married in the church. A couple opened the Bible to the Old testament reading on abortion, which confirmed, at some point to unforgiven sin. Others opened to a passage focusing on a generational curse. While still others read a verse on incest in the family. One girl indicated the story of Jacob and Essau. Her twin brother was murdered at three months of age. She was the second to be born and like Jacob became the first through infanticide. Others have indicated a need for greater humility, faith and fasting. The Rite of Exorcism uses passages from Jn. 1:1-14; Mk. 16:15-18; Lk. 1:17-20; Lk. 11:14-22; also use what ever passage the Holy Spirit inspires. This can hasten along deliverance and yield many crucial answers to the puzzle. It is always good to have on hand a collection of prayers that may be said both by the exorcist and those assisting. The Raccolta has a fine collection, as do other prayer books.

The rules for exorcism state that one should have relics of the saints at hand. Not all relics are of equal worth. First class relics are to be preferred. The greater the sanctity of the saint the more powerful the cure. One can tell by the reactions of the demons which relic gives better results.

According to the Act of the Apostles, handkerchiefs that were touched to Saint Paul and carried back to the sick curing them (remember the sick woman who was cured by touching the hem of Jesus?). The shadow alone of Saint Peter healed many. Although the Blessed Sacrament is the Body and Blood of Jesus, True God and True Man, and not any mere sacramental, it is an excellent practice to use it to bless the sick and possessed. The rules of exorcism in number 13 of the Roman Ritual states, “Sanctissima vero Eucharistia super caput obssessi, aut aliter ejus corpori ne admoveatur, ob irreverentiae periculum” (The Blessed Sacrament should not be placed on the head or any other part of the body of the possessed persons, due to the possibility of desecration). This rule or admonition need not apply in those cases where there is no danger or irreverence, that is cases in which the person’s actions are nonviolent.

It is truly astounding to observe how many days (when proper use of the Blessed Sacrament is applied to the body of the possessed), can be taken off the whole length of time needed to dislodge the demons. It shortens the process. It may be wise in other cases for the priest himself to carry around his neck the Blessed Sacrament in a Pyx. This may prove at times, necessary for protection.

A Franciscan named Father Dominic Szymanski (a one time companion of St. Maximillian Kolbe) was working with a Benedictine priest, when Fr. Dominic asked the Benedictine if he was wearing the medal of St, Benedict. The Benedictine responded, “Yes, I am.” Father Szymanski told him that he saw the devil in the form of a blue light going around him in circles, and that the evil spirit was unable to touch him because he was wearing the medal.

The St. Benedict medal can be pinned to the clothes of infants who are agitated, pregnant mothers or anyone who wants protection from evil. The use of the scapular of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and the Rosary are two sacramentals specifically mentioned in the Vatican II document on the church “Lumen Gentium.” The blessing of the rosary states, “Nos eriperes de potestate diaboli” Our Lord Jesus Christ through His life, death and resurrection has “snatched us from the power of the devil.” Abundant graces are granted through proper recitation of the rosary, “Ab omni hoste visibili et invisibili et ubíque in hoc sáeculo liberetur” (from every enemy both visible and invisible and everywhere in this lifetime be freed). St. Dominic freed a heretic from 15,000 devils, when the man had blasphemed the Blessed Mother and the Rosary. St. Dominic preached on the fifteen mysteries of the rosary and asked the faithful to pray and meditate. For every mystery, 1,000 demons left him in the form of burning coals until he was delivered. The rosary is the chain that Our Lady uses to bind Satan. It is often seen in a possessed individual, that the demon is irritated and they complain that the rosary burns them and they often destroy the rosary.

Another medal of great importance which was used in the conversion of the worldly Jew, Alphonse Ratisbone, propagated by St. Maximillian Kolbe, and used by the founder of the Legion of Mary-Frank Duff-is the Miraculous Medal (Medal of the Immaculate Conception of Mary). While placing the medal around the neck, the Presider prays, “Ut piisima et Immaculáta caelórum Domina vos prótegat atique defendat” (May the Holy and Immaculate heavenly Lady protect and defend you). Our Lady promises special graces to those who wear this medal around their neck. The same is true for the scapular. If worn with faith, “They shall not suffer the eternal flames of Hell” and “shall be delivered from Purgatory on the Saturday after their death.”

Then there is the crucifix, which should always be present. The victim will often stare at the cross and be forced to look away. The cross is symbolic of the defeat of Satan through the death of Christ. The long prayer for Solemn Blessing of the Crucifix, “Ut quóties triúmphum divínae humnilitátis, quae supérbiam nostri hostis dejecit” and (how often the divine humility has triumphed casting out the pride of our enemy”. “Dignáre respícere, bene + dícere et Sancti + ficáre hanc creaturm incensi, ut omnes languores, omnesque imfirmitates, atque insidiar inimici, odorem ejus sentientes, efffugiant, et separatur a plasmate tuo; ut num quam lædatur amorsu antiqui serpentes” (Deign to care for bless and sanctify those being inflamed by passion and weakness, any sickness, deceits of the foe and suspicious resentments felt by them. Be cast out and driven away from your creature) and “Numquam lædatur a morsu antiqui derpentis” (Never to be hurt by the bite of the ancient serpent).

The following are selected paragraphs pertaining to the instruction of the Exorcist as indicated in the Old Rite - Rules of the Roman Ritual of Exorcism.

(RULE 1)The priest who with the particular and explicit permission of his Bishop is about to exorcise those tormented by Evil Spirit, must have the necessary piety, prudence and personal integrity. He should perform this most heroic work humbly and courageously, not relying on his own strength, but on the power of God; and he must have no greed for material benefit. Besides, he should be of mature age and be respected as a virtuous person.

(RULE 5) Let the exorcist note for himself the tricks and deceits which evil spirits use in order to lead him astray. For they are accustomed to answering falsely. They manifest themselves only under pressure–in the hope that the exorcist will get tired and desist from pressuring them. Or they make it appear that the subject of Exorcism is not possessed at all.

(RULE 6) Sometimes, Evil Spirit betrays its presence, and then goes into hiding. It appears to have left the body of the possessed free from all molestation, so that the possessed thinks he is completely rid of it. But the exorcist should not, for all that, desist until he sees the signs of liberation.

(RULE 10) The Exorcist must remember, therefore, that Our Lord said there is a species of Evil Spirit which cannot be expelled except by prayer and fasting. Let him make sure that he and others follow the example of the Holy Fathers and make use of these two principal means of obtaining divine help and of repelling Evil Spirit.

(RULE 20) During Exorcism, the exorcist should use the words of the Bible rather than his own or somebody else’s. Also, he should command Evil Spirit to state whether it is kept within the possessed because of some magical spell or sorcerer’s symbol or some occult documents. For the exorcism to succeed, the possessed must surrender them. If he has swallowed something like that, he will vomit it up. If it is outside his body in some place or other, Evil Spirit must tell the exorcist where it is. When the exorcist finds it, he must burn it.

In order for Satan to be driven out of the possessed, the exorcist must be humble. He must rely on God and only God for his answers and direction. Sometimes God forces the demon inside the possessed to reveal truths. However, the exorcist must be careful not to believe all that the demon possessing the victim might say. The demon will reveal exactly what the exorcist wants to hear even though it is not the truth, in order to side track him. The exorcist, out of his own curiosity, should not ask questions to the possessed regarding matters other than the exorcism at hand. Only through much prayer, fasting and humility of the exorcist along with the willingness of the victim, and of course, the grace and Will of God, can one be freed of this affliction.

Power of Sacraments

Sacraments
by Father Cliff Graham

When praying with a person for healing and deliverance, it is helpful to use sacramentals. The use of sacramentals affects cures and at expels the enemy.

The use of blessed olive oil is particularly effective, because it contains the prayer of exorcism at the very beginning. “Exorcizo te, creatura olei” (”I exorcise, creature oil”). “Omis virtus adversarii, omnis exceritus diaboli, omnis incúrus, omne phatasma Satanæ eradicare” (”All power of the adversary, all diabolical armies, all hostile attack, eliminating every satanic apparition”). “Uf fiat ómnibus, qui eo usuri sunt, salus menti et corporis” (”and all who would use this would have health of mind and body”). Further into the prayer, it states that all those who are sick would be free of “Ab omni languore” (”all weakness, languor, listlessness”), “omni qui infirmitate” (”all sickness”) and “insidiis inimici liberéntur”, (”freed of any snares of the enemy”). And “cunctae adversitates separéntur a pusmate tuo” (all of the opposing powers that separate your creature from you).

Quite often, when using the sacramental, a person blessed or having consumed the blessed oil will have a reaction. This sacramental is very much hated by evil spirits and sometimes cures diseases and states of depression and oppression.

An amber colored glass of blessed oil and an identical glass containing holy water were placed in front of a year and a half-old child. The child refused the blessed oil, whereas she always chose the holy water. This experiment was repeated two dozen times, and despite not being able to see the contents, the child would not touch the oil. A four-year-old boy, in a guttural voice said, “I’m going to destroy that blessed oil,” despite his not knowing that the exorcist had blessed the household kitchen oil. Another instance using blessed oil involved a high school student with a high fever. After administering the oil, his fever instantaneously disappeared.

For people who may not be candidates for the sacrament of the sick, this sacramental can be used, even if they are not in the state of grace.

Another sacramental feared by demons is holy water, which one can be sprinkled with or drink. “Benedictio aquae in vigilia Ephipaniae Domini” (”The blessing of water in the vigil of the Epiphany of the Lord”) contains multiple exorcisms and should be used if time allows, especially in the case of a solemn public exorcism. The blessing in the Roman Ritual is titled, “Benedicto auri, thuris et myrahae in Festo Ephiphaniæ” (”Blessing of gold, frankincense and myrrh on the Feast of Epiphany”). The blessing on the Feast of the Epiphany also has the longest blessing of water and contains all of the exorcisms of the water and salt. This blessing seems to be more effective than just an ordinary blessing (salt should also be included).

Incense is very annoying to evil spirits. It is also good to have blessed candles, especially if blessed on the Feast of St. Blaise.

Another sacramental that is especially efficacious against the devil is the Medal of St. Benedict. Priest should use the long form of the St. Benedict prayer, which contains a prayer of exorcism. This is the only medal in the Roman Catholic Church that has an exorcism prayer on the medal. It begins: “Exorcizo vos, numísmata,…” (”I exorcise you medal”) Once petitioning the Holy Trinity to eliminate all the power of the enemy. Then “Ut fiant ómnibus, qui eis usuri sunt, salus mentis et corporis” (That all those who would use it would have health of mind and body). The medal itself has initials inscribed that form a prayer of exorcism as indicated below.

In the angles of the cross are found these four letters: C.S.P.B. They stand for the words: Crux Sancti Patris Benedicti –”The Cross of the Holy Father Benedict.”

On the vertical bar of the cross itself are found the letters: C.S.S.M.L., and on the horizontal bar of the cross: N.D.S.M.D. They signify: Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lux, Non Craco Sit Mihi Dux “May the holy Cross be my light. Let not the dragon be my guide.”

Round the margin of the Medal, beginning at the right hand on top, are the following letters: V.R.S.N.S.M.V.–S.M.Q.L.I.V.B They stand for the verses:Vade Retro, Satana! Nunqum Suade Mihi Vana. Sunt Mala Quae Libas; Ipse Venena Bibas. “Begone, Satan! Suggest not vain things to me. Evil is the cup thou offerest; Drink thou thine own poison.”

In most instances, the medal produces a tranquilizing effect when worn. Some individuals experience the opposite–a burning sensation.

Blessing and imposition of the scapular of Saint Michael the Archangel is another practice very much feared and detested by evil spirits. This scapular takes the shape of a shield with one cord being black and the other blue. On the shield we read the words “Quis et Deus” (”I am like God”). This was Michael’s reply to Lucifer, who stated “non serviam” (”I will not serve”). Michael means “Quis ut Deus” (”Who is like unto God”).

BLESSING OF THE MEDAL OF ST BENEDICT:

The exorcism prayers below in both English and Latin can be said by any priest.

ENGLISH VERSION

V. Our help is in the name of the Lord

R. Who made heaven and earth.

In the name of God the Father + Almighty, who made heaven and earth, the seas and all that is in them, I exorcise these medals against the power and attacks of the evil one. May all who use these medals devoutly be blessed with health or soul and body. In the name of the Father + Almighty, of his Son + Jesus Christ our Lord, and of the Holy + Spirit the paraclete, and in the love of the same Lord Jesus Christ who will come on the last day to judge the living and the dead, and the world by fire. R. AMEN

Let us pray. Almighty God, the boundless source of all good things, we humbly, ask that, through the intercession of St. Benedict, you pour out your blessings + upon these medals. May those who use them devoutly and earnestly strive to perform good works, be blessed by you with health of soul and the help of your merciful love, resist the temptations of the evil one and strive to exercise true charity and justice toward all, so that one day they may appear sinless and holy in your sight. This we ask through Christ our Lord. R. AMEN

The medals are then sprinkled with holy water.

LATIN VERSION

V. Adjutórium nostrum in nómine Dómini

R. Qui fecit cælum et terram.

Exorcízo vos, numísmata, per Deum + Patrem omnipoténtem, qui fecit cælum et terram, mare et ómnia, quæ in eis sunt. Omnis virtus adversárii, omnis exércitus diáboli et omnis incúrsus, omne phantásma sátanæ, eradicáre et effugáre ab his numismátibus: ut fiant ómnibus, qui eis usúri sunt, salus mentis et córporis: in nómine Pa + tris omnipoténtis, et Jesu + Christi Fílii ejus, Dómini nostri, et Spíritus + Sancti Parácliti, et in caritáte ejúsdem Dómini nostri Jesu Christi, qui ventúrus est judicáre vivos et mórtuos, et sæculum per ignem.

R. AMEN

Kýrie, eléison. Christe, eléison. Kýrie, eléison.

V. Dómine, exáudi oratiónem meam.

R. Et clamor meus ad te véniat

V. Dóminus vobíscum.

R. Et cum spíritu tuo.

Orémus.

Oratio

Deus omnípotens, bonórum ómnium largítor, súpplices te rogámus, ut per intercessiónem sancti Benedícti his sacris numismátibus tuam bene + dictiónem infúndas, ut omnes, qui ea gestáverint ac bonis opéribus inténti fúerint, sanitátem mentis et córporis, et grátiam sanctificatiónis, atque indulgéntias (nobis) concéssas cónsequi mereántur, omnésque diáboli insídias et fraudes, per auxílium miscericórdiæ tuæ, stúdeant devitáre et in conspéctu tuo sancti et immaculáti váleant apparére. Per Christum Dóminum nostrum.

R. AMEN.
Prayers

ST. MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL

(Latin Version) Sancte Míchael Archángele, defénde nos in proélio contra nequítiam et insídias diáboli esto præsídium. Imperet illi Deus, súpplices deprecámur: tuque, princeps milítiæ cæléstis, Sátanam aliósque spíritus malígnos, qui ad perditiónem animárum pervagántur in mundo, divína virtúte, In inférnum detrude. Amen

(English Version) Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen

PRAYER FOR PROTECTION AGAINST CURSES, HARM, ACCIDENTS

Lord Jesus, I ask You to “protect” our Family (whom I mention by name) from sickness, from all harm and from accidents. If any of us has been subjected to any curses, hexes or spells, I delare these curses, hexes or spells null and void in the name of Jesus Christ. If any evil spirits have been sent against us, I decommission you in the name of Jesus Christ and I send you to Jesus to deal with as He will. Then, Lord, I ask You to send Your holy angels to guard and protect all of us.

NINE MONTHS: From the Mother’s Womb

As you pray this prayer, think of either yourself or someone you
are praying for as the little child in the Mother’s womb

First Month

Lord Jesus, I present to you the first month in the mother’s womb. Look at this being that is in development. Recreate this unborn child with Your love. Heal every wound of rejection toward its existence; whether it arrived by accident or through failure of the use of contraception. Placate the fear and all visual anguish due to any attempt at abortion. Console this little being wounded due to its development as a boy or girl or due to the burden of its last name (ancestry) in its choice to live by its own strength. We put before you Lord, all the paternal and maternal inheritance it is suffering from today. In this month, this tiny person’s heart begins to beat. Give peace Lord, to this organ, which is developing and give it all the parental tenderness, which it is lacking.

Blessed Mother, fill with your maternal tenderness and sweetness, all that this baby has not received from its mother.

Second Month

Lord, we place before you the second month in the mother’s womb. Jesus, liberate all the Christic freedom that you have given to Your tiny being. Heal all rebellion and all that it has experienced as aggression. Touch the shelter, which it has made against love. Open its heart in order to receive life in abundance. Lord, we implore you to touch any malformation in the eyes, ears or mouth.
You know that this is the moment of the formation of the liver, touch the weakness received due to any maternal illness.

You who carried the child in your womb; add any other circumstances which surrounded this pregnancy in this month such as falls, trips, oppression, death, danger of abortion, etc.

Third Month

Lord, we place before you the third month in the mother’s womb. Lord, touch the rejection received in this state of development. Affirm its sexuality; heal all confusion or ambiguity, which this pre-born child has received in maturation. Affirm this being’s femininity or masculinity. Give it grace to receive its proper designation. Harmonize its spirit, soul and body, emotions and sexuality. Give it the grace today to say “yes” to life. Restore totally its paternal and maternal image.

We place before you Lord, any malformation of the vocal chords, eyes, kidneys, arms and legs. Touch any malformation of its sexual organs, etc.
Add all other events which have influenced the development of the pregnancy; epidemic diseases, anger, illness, violence, injuries, hurts, disputes, fights, altercations, change of address, economic problems, criticisms, war, revolutions, slander etc.

Fourth Month

Lord, we place before you the fourth month in the mother’s womb. Heal Lord, all fear and anguish of being destroyed, the lack of paternal presence and the lack of tenderness. Touch the auditive memory due to shouting, disputes, fighting and violence.

Heal the sadness and the sensation of abandonment which is received from the mother because the husband has often left her alone and is often traveling.
Heal the rejection which may have been received from maternal and paternal grandparents: heal the insecurity and sadness which has developed. Heal all aggression from strikes and/or from sickness. Harmonize all that would be unstabilized or out of kilter and fill it with your tenderness and mercy. We place before You, Lord, the nervous system and any malformation resulting from paternal or maternal inheritance that would impede it to receive Your Resurrection.

Heal any negative episode which was experienced this month; excessive ingestion of alcoholic beverages, tobacco, drugs, violence, falls, hereditary sicknesses, etc.

Fifth Month

Lord Jesus, we place before you the fifth month. Heal the auditive memory this child has received in this month as well as all manipulation or words said against its existence. We place before You Lord, any fright received from the outside due to noises, falls or unforeseen hits or strikes or accidents. Heal its hearing that has suffered due to the authoritarian, shrill voice of its father. Place in its heart forgiveness for all the aggression felt due to the sexual relations of the parents. Heal all the loathing and rejection of life. Free this being of any desire to close in on its self and the choice of trying to rely only on its own strength.

We place before you Lord, its circulatory system, nervous system, respiratory system; we implore You Lord, to heal any physical disability received from its intra-uterine life.

Sixth Month

Lord Jesus, we place before you the sixth month in the mother’s womb. Cover this baby with peace. If it has felt violated by any violence because of an operation done to the mother; heal all mistrust and desire to exclude itself from life. Give this being the grace to accept itself.

We place before you the skeletal system; fortify it from all debility and malformation. Place in its heart the acceptance for any physical limitation which it may have received in the mother’s womb.

Seventh Month

We present to You Lord Jesus, the seventh month of gestation. Touch this tiny person that was born in this month, with out its required birth weight. Blessed Mother, supplement those two months that are lacking. You know Lord, the reason for which it was expelled from its mother’s womb. Touch the wound of abandonment and lack of tenderness in not having been fed with its mother’s milk.

Place forgiveness in its heart of the maternal fear and apprehension due to any length of stay in an incubator. We present this child which has continued to develop. Liberate this child’s Christic freedom, harmonize it and give it the grace to receive life in abundance.

Heal all rebellion. Heal the sensation of feeling unwanted due to the burden of a large family with numerous brothers and/or sisters. Heal the self-rejection and feelings of being inferior due to being manipulated by its parents.

Eighth Month

Lord Jesus,